The Negotiation Guru

This is a true example of how we can learn from everyone and everything.

Here’s the story:

There were 3 blind mice living in the Cat city. One day, the friendly cat, Kathy, decided to play a trick on the 3 blind mice. She took the 3 blind mice to visit an elephant in the zoo.

She took the first blind mice to the elephant trunk and let him feel it.

Then she took the second blind mice to the elephant leg, and the third to the tail.

As the 3 blind mice grew up not seeing an elephant before, they were asked to guess what is an elephant.

1st mice: “It is a tube. Something like a vacuum cleaner.”

2nd mice: “What? You must be crazy. It is a tree trunk!”

3rd mice: “Both of you are wrong! It is a rope.”

They started fighting with each other. Kathy was delighted with the trick she played on them.

What’s the moral of the story? (eek…)

Different people have different perspectives in life. Their perspectives are determined by the experience they had. We all have a tendency to delude ourselves into believing what we want to believe. Our minds have many different ways of mapping different possibilities even to a single event.

How can this be applied to negotiation?

Sometimes during a negotiation, both parties have different perspectives on a single issue. Many negotiation come to an impasse simply because they cannot see eye to eye on certain things.

From the 3 blind mice story, we learn that people might not see something the way you see it.

We have to be open to other opinions.
Listen to them.
Try to see where they are coming from.
Understand them.
Get into their shoes.

Only after you have fully understand where the other party is coming from, you will then be able to negotiate properly. Without proper understanding of the other party’s point of view, you will be left guessing his thoughts.

Being wise means being open to learning from the other perspectives. When you do feel stuck during a negotiation, it’s probably because you have not been able to see from the other point of view.

Remember: If 3 blind mice can say 3 different things, what about us?

—————–
Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

Confidence

The ability to control yourself and to control the way you negotiate will drastically affect the results of your negotiation. You will need to think and act confidence in order to be a strong negotiator. Show that you know what you are talking about. Let them feel that you are in charge of the situation and you have the ability to influence the outcome of the negotiation. The way you carry yourself speaks loudly of how confident you are as a negotiator.

According to Dr Brian Roet, author of The Confidence to be Yourself, there are 3 ways to have more self-confidence:

1) Know yourself

Who are you?

What are your dominant personality traits?

What kind of person you are?

What motivates you?

What saddens you?

What frightens you?

What makes you happy?

2) Like yourself

What do you like most about yourself?

What do you dislike most about yourself?

What do you like most about others?

What do you dislike most about others?

3) Accept yourself

Tell yourself that no matter what happens in the outcome of the negotiation, you will still be the person before the negotiation.

You should still be the same person before, during and after the negotiation.

Here are my 20 ways to build your own confidence during a negotiation:

1) Negotiate in an assertive manner

2) Believe in yourself

3) Take charge of your own action

4) Speak in a calm manner when negotiating

5) Listen during a negotiation

6) Remain flexible throughout the negotiation process without compromising your own goals

7) Self-assessment and self-evaluation

8). Accept criticism in a graceful manner

9) Learn from own negotiation mistakes (sometimes others)

10) Understand that you have the ability to influence the other party

11) Understand that you have the ability to influence the outcome of the negotiation

12) Accept ownership of your own negotiation

13) Be kind to yourself. Don’t put yourself down too much if you do not achieve the negotiation results you set to achieve

14) Be conscious of the other party’s emotions and feelings

15) Be helpful. See negotiation as a process to help improve both sides, not only to win

16) Be honest with your dealing and the things you say during a negotiation

17) Walk tall

18) See negotiation as a series of challenges

19) Do not be too quick to judge

20) Accept that negotiation is dynamic. Change is common during a negotiation

Remember: To be a strong negotiator, be confident!

Send me an email with the word “I need confidence!” in the subject line, I will share more insights with you.

—————–
Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

Listening is the best skill you can learn to do better in negotiations. It is the best way to learn more about the other party. It’s not surprising that there are many people with poor listening skills. Everyone wants others to listen to them. This validates their self-worth.

Learning more about the other party you are negotiating with will drastically improve the results of your negotiations.

How to listen?

1) Question

There’s a huge difference between hearing and listening. For the latter, you have TO BE THERE. You must take a more proactive stance to listening. Throw questions. After you have asked a question, listen. Don’t say another word. Give the other party more chances to speak. The more they talk, the more they will reveal information. In turn, the better your results.

“What are the reasons for requesting for this?”

“What is the best way to go about doing to this?”

“When do you think we should sign the deal?”

“How is it possible for us to come to an agreement?”

“What is holding you back?”

Listen to what the other party has to say and ask questions which will reveal more information.

2) Paraphrase

Paraphrasing is to check your understanding. It means that you express what you understand from the conversation using your own words. When you paraphrased, you let the other party know that you are listening. If you show that you have taken in whatever she has said, you will be more successful in gaining her trust. This also increase the chances of her listening to what you have to say.

“Just to make sure I get you right on this…”

“If i’m not wrong, you are trying to say that…”

“Correct me if i’m wrong…”

3) Acknowledge

To acknowledge means to express your understanding of the other party’s emotion. Negotiation can be an emotional affair. When someone negotiates, she is constantly looking out for validation. In her mind, she might be thinking, “Is my opening okay?” “Do they think that my concern is trivial?” “Do they think that I’m hard to deal with?” “Do they think that I’m demanding?”

To move on in a negotiation, we have to validate the other party’s emotions.

“Sounds like you are very concerned with the delivery…”

“It occurred to me that you are unhappy with the terms…”

“I can understand why you are not happy with this condition…”

“I can see the reason you should be upset..”

“I am hearing what you say, you are disappointed because…”

Remember: 3 steps to listen for more information: Question, Paraphrase, Acknowledge

—————–
Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com