The Negotiation Guru

1) Ask questions

2) Give acknowledgments

3) Shut-up

4) Paraphrase

5) Follow-up

6) Positive body language

7) Keep nodding your head

8). Say lots of “mm”s

9) Take notes

10) Allow him to finish his sentences

11) Keep an open mind

12) Shut-up (again!)

13) Give full attention

14) Give feedback

15) Don’t get distracted by surroundings

16) Don’t get distracted by your inner thoughts

17) Listen with your face

18) Maintain eye contact

19) Avoid getting emotionally involved

20) Don’t think of what you are going to say

21) Lean forward

22) Summarize what you have heard

23) Empathy, Empathy, Empathy

24) Be genuinely interested

25) Put yourself in his shoes

26) Respect everything he has to say

27) Turn off your cellphone

28) Remove your watch

29) Don’t look at the clock

30) Encourage him to elaborate

31) Ask meaningful questions

32) Shut-up

33) Show that you are open to what he has to say

34) Speak at the same volume

35) Speak at the same rate

36) Be patient

37) Be comfortable with pauses

38) Give reassurance to the other party

39) Accept the fact that everyone has her own style of expression

40) Ask empowering questions

41) Did I say “Shut-up”?

42) Say “Uh-huhs”

43) Smile

43) Agree with what the speaker has to say

44) Do everything I have listed in MODERATION (except for the “shut-up”s)

I challenge you to try these in your next negotiation or even your next conversation with anyone. Email me after you have done so.

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Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

Listening is the best skill you can learn to do better in negotiations. It is the best way to learn more about the other party. It’s not surprising that there are many people with poor listening skills. Everyone wants others to listen to them. This validates their self-worth.

Learning more about the other party you are negotiating with will drastically improve the results of your negotiations.

How to listen?

1) Question

There’s a huge difference between hearing and listening. For the latter, you have TO BE THERE. You must take a more proactive stance to listening. Throw questions. After you have asked a question, listen. Don’t say another word. Give the other party more chances to speak. The more they talk, the more they will reveal information. In turn, the better your results.

“What are the reasons for requesting for this?”

“What is the best way to go about doing to this?”

“When do you think we should sign the deal?”

“How is it possible for us to come to an agreement?”

“What is holding you back?”

Listen to what the other party has to say and ask questions which will reveal more information.

2) Paraphrase

Paraphrasing is to check your understanding. It means that you express what you understand from the conversation using your own words. When you paraphrased, you let the other party know that you are listening. If you show that you have taken in whatever she has said, you will be more successful in gaining her trust. This also increase the chances of her listening to what you have to say.

“Just to make sure I get you right on this…”

“If i’m not wrong, you are trying to say that…”

“Correct me if i’m wrong…”

3) Acknowledge

To acknowledge means to express your understanding of the other party’s emotion. Negotiation can be an emotional affair. When someone negotiates, she is constantly looking out for validation. In her mind, she might be thinking, “Is my opening okay?” “Do they think that my concern is trivial?” “Do they think that I’m hard to deal with?” “Do they think that I’m demanding?”

To move on in a negotiation, we have to validate the other party’s emotions.

“Sounds like you are very concerned with the delivery…”

“It occurred to me that you are unhappy with the terms…”

“I can understand why you are not happy with this condition…”

“I can see the reason you should be upset..”

“I am hearing what you say, you are disappointed because…”

Remember: 3 steps to listen for more information: Question, Paraphrase, Acknowledge

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Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com