Sometimes we do have to negotiate people who are very competitive. They are always out to win. Winning to them, is their life. They cannot accept anything less than victory.I still remember an incident which I had to negotiate with a client of mine.
Let’s call him Teddy.
Teddy is a tempestuous guy. He gets angry at the slightest thing. I am always very aware of him when I deal with him. He’s definitely a good client to keep as I always get referral businesses from him.
I was negotiating a deal that I agreed to verbally but had to pull out due to personal commitments. Teddy is definitely not an easy guy to negotiate with. I had fun anyway.
“Teddy, I won’t be able to make it for this gig on Sat. Can you get someone to replace me?”
He started to get emotional.
“Jens, I have always given you businesses. Now you are playing me out. You have no respect for me…etc”.
I zoned out immediately. Thinking back, I shouldn’t have. A good negotiator should never zone out when the other party is speaking.
This is my reply to him.
“Teddy, I understand that you are under this pressure because this client is really huge. And you want to maintain a good relationship with him. The deadline must be putting a lot of pressure on you. I really can’t make it this Saturday. It’s totally my fault. Tell you what, I will find a substitute for me.”
Help others get what they want, you will get what you want
These are the 3 things I did:
1) Never put them down
Let them walk away a winner, not a loser. Some really competitive people want to win in every negotiation or argument. You have to let them win (or at least not lose). By putting them down will only ruin the relationship between you and him. He might even find some other channels to get back. This is not healthy. Learn to let him feel like he’s the winner so that he can save some skin.
2) Probe for the reasons why he’s behaving this way
More often than not, people behave in a certain way for many reasons. Instead of talking about the deal, I talked about him. I asked myself, “What’s the main reason that Teddy is behaving this way?” I soon realized that it could be because he was under a lot of pressure to make sure things went smoothly.
3) Give acknowledgments
After you have identified the key reasons why he’s behaving this way, acknowledge it.
“I understand that you are under a lot of pressure.” People are less than willing to admit that they are under a lot of pressure. This is especially so for males. They do not wish to appear weak. Subtly let him know that it’s alright to feel that way. He will feel that you understand his position and this puts you in a better position to negotiate with him.
4) Make suggestions
If possible, try to suggest an alternative. One of the key skills that a negotiator can have is to be creative and generate alternatives for a deal. I made a proposal towards the end that will solve his problem, take some pressure off him and allow me to get what I want. This is another win-win situation.
Remember: Let the other party leave the negotiating table feeling victorious.
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Jens Thang
Unleash The Negotiation Guru In You!
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