The Negotiation Guru

The problem with many negotiators is that they do not direct their questions towards a certain purpose. The art of questioning has to be strategic. To be truly prepared, you need to put some thoughts and time into the type of questions you direct to the other party. Work out the questions with a strategic plan in mind.

Many negotiators believe that by proving inconsistency in the other party is strategic and tactical. They cannot be further from being strategic. When you show that you are trying to provoke them in your questions, you turn on the defensive mode of the other party. You put them on guard and that is not something you want to achieve during a negotiation. As the other party starts to get defensive and closes up to any form of conversation, the negotiation will go nowhere.

The true art is to make the other party open up to you. Lower their defense wall. And attack from a direction they did not anticipate.

Let me introduce the Socratic Method

This wonderful method requires you to understand both the viewpoint of the other party and HOW he came to that conclusion. By truly understanding the other party’s position, you will be able to identify the weak areas and start ripping them apart in a subtle way.

How do you apply the Socratic Method to negotiation?

First, begin by letting the other party express his interest and his decision. Ask him how he would like the negotiation to be resolved. Appear to agree with him at first and acknowledge whatever they are saying to be valid.

Start asking questions that presumably fringed on the main topic of the negotiation, but attacked the weak points into everything the other party has put out during the initial stage of the negotiation.

What you are trying to achieve, is not only to influence the other party to change his initial stand on the issue. But also make it appear to be his own idea.

With this, you truly convince.

You can still hold on to your initial viewpoint but the key is really to act like others. People do not like to believe that they are wrong. They always think that their decision is the best and they strongly believe in it. By proposing a challenge to their belief, you are attacking their ego. Again, you want them to tear down their own position and not build a wall around it.

With this Socratic Method, you will be able to question anyone’s fundamental beliefs in any topic. And of course, essential in negotiations.

Think about how you would apply the Socratic Method for your next negotiation. Email me your thoughts and results. We will evaluate them together.

Remember: Never challenge the other party’s position and viewpoint. Apply the Socratic Method to tear him down.

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Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

Listening is the best skill you can learn to do better in negotiations. It is the best way to learn more about the other party. It’s not surprising that there are many people with poor listening skills. Everyone wants others to listen to them. This validates their self-worth.

Learning more about the other party you are negotiating with will drastically improve the results of your negotiations.

How to listen?

1) Question

There’s a huge difference between hearing and listening. For the latter, you have TO BE THERE. You must take a more proactive stance to listening. Throw questions. After you have asked a question, listen. Don’t say another word. Give the other party more chances to speak. The more they talk, the more they will reveal information. In turn, the better your results.

“What are the reasons for requesting for this?”

“What is the best way to go about doing to this?”

“When do you think we should sign the deal?”

“How is it possible for us to come to an agreement?”

“What is holding you back?”

Listen to what the other party has to say and ask questions which will reveal more information.

2) Paraphrase

Paraphrasing is to check your understanding. It means that you express what you understand from the conversation using your own words. When you paraphrased, you let the other party know that you are listening. If you show that you have taken in whatever she has said, you will be more successful in gaining her trust. This also increase the chances of her listening to what you have to say.

“Just to make sure I get you right on this…”

“If i’m not wrong, you are trying to say that…”

“Correct me if i’m wrong…”

3) Acknowledge

To acknowledge means to express your understanding of the other party’s emotion. Negotiation can be an emotional affair. When someone negotiates, she is constantly looking out for validation. In her mind, she might be thinking, “Is my opening okay?” “Do they think that my concern is trivial?” “Do they think that I’m hard to deal with?” “Do they think that I’m demanding?”

To move on in a negotiation, we have to validate the other party’s emotions.

“Sounds like you are very concerned with the delivery…”

“It occurred to me that you are unhappy with the terms…”

“I can understand why you are not happy with this condition…”

“I can see the reason you should be upset..”

“I am hearing what you say, you are disappointed because…”

Remember: 3 steps to listen for more information: Question, Paraphrase, Acknowledge

—————–
Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

Many communication gurus have suggested that empathy is a very useful tool to try to persuade someone. We use empathy all the time. Its is a powerful communication tool that is underused and often misunderstood.

According to dictionary.com, empathy is identification with and understanding of another’s situation, feelings, and motives.

It is the process of understanding and appreciating of the other party’s emotions and positions. To put in simpler terms, it means to “put yourself into his/her shoes”.

These are 4 steps which you can take:

1) You must first be aware of the other party’s emotions. How is he feeling about the deal? Angry? Sad? Disappointed?

2) State your own perception of that emotion. “I think you are upset that we are not willing to cut the price…”

3) Make that emotion/feeling legitimate. “I can totally understand why you are upset…”

4) Give him affirmations of your cooperation. “I am definitely devoted to working with you and making sure this deal will work out. Let’s see how we can help each other to achieve our goals.”

Instantly, you will be able to build rapport and trust with the party you are negotiating with. In a relationship-based negotiation, empathy is a very important tool to use.

Are you using enough of it?

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Jens Thang
Unleash The Negotiation Guru In You!

My team arranged to have a meeting at the lobby. In order to enter the building, we had to scan our identity card. I rushed to leave my apartment and left my card at home. I was refused entry by the security card. I explained my situation, and she referred me to the front desk to get approval.

At the front desk was a lady in her late thirties. She was busy sorting out a stack of documents.

“Hi, I’ve forgotten to bring my card. Is there a way I can get into the building? I have an important meeting to attend.”

She shook her head in a really dramatic manner and said “No, I can’t help you.”

I began to think of alternatives. I didn’t bring my phone so I was not able to drop my friends a call.

“How about this, I will leave my laptop with you. Let me into the building and I will get my friend out to sign me in.”

“No, you can’t do that. I will not let you in no matter what. This is the rule of the building.”

“Yes, I understand that it’s the rule of the building. I really have a very important meeting and I’m late …Can you make an exception just for this time round?”

“No.” She was really firm.

So I asked her “If you were me, what would you have done?”

“I will go back home and get my card. This is the rule. No one can change the rule. Sorry, I can’t let you in”

“What if YOU live an hour away?” I pursued.

-Pause-

She knew that I was not going to go away and I was really persistent.

“I didn’t mean to be nasty but I really can’t do that,” she said in an apologetic manner. This was my chance.

I kept quiet and looked at her. She became really uncomfortable with the silence and avoided eye contact with me. Finally, she succumbed.

“Alright, I will make an exception this time just for you. I will sign you in with my own card.”

Bingo!

Can you identify the tools I used?

When you start drilling for information, be careful not to assume. You should never create your own assumptions.

Do not assume what you’ve heard is the truth. But you should not start creating your own assumption too.

Target:  “The car design is really important to me.”

You:     “Oh, you should not be concerned with the design of the car. The engine is really powerful! It has a 3.6 litre V8 engine, producing over 500kW of power and accelerates from 0-100km/h in 5 secs!”

Target (in his head): “Who cares?”

You are making your own assumptions that he should be concerned with the performance. What if your target is really more concern with the car design and not the performance? You will be tuned in to the wrong channel. In negotiation, this principle works the same.

Never assume. Always ask!

“Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language” – Dale CarnegieOn my way to work this morning, I was having a heated discussion with my colleague who was sitting at the front seat (I was the driver). We were discussing a project we are working on currently. Another colleague decided that he was not interested in the discussion, put on his ipod and fell asleep.

Suddenly, at the mere mention of his name, he woke up (perhaps he was eavesdropping). But this shows how important a person’s name is to him. You can wake a dead from his sleep just by calling his name. No one cares about other people’s name more than his own. We are only tuned to what we want to hear.

This is the magic contained in a name. During negotiations, we have to be respectful to the party we are negotiating with. Learn to remember the names of the party you are negotiating with. Addressing the other party by his last name can be a way to show respect. Addressing him by his first name can breed familiarity. It all depends on the type of negotiation you are in. During a transactional negotiation such as negotiating with a salesperson, I always make it a point to ask for his name and use his name frequently throughout the entire negotiation. All of a sudden, we became good friends and the success rate of the negotiation increased tremendously.

Andrew Carnegie, one of the greatest negotiators ever walked on this earth, had the policy of remembering and honoring names of his business associates. Why shouldn’t you do the same?

I cannot stress further the importance of building rapport. Today, I was asked to negotiate with a food vendor. My organization is having a Halloween party this Saturday. We have been getting pizzas and hoagies for all our events. This time round, we decided to try Chinese food.

Yes, that means I will have to negotiate against a Chinese (not a favorite race to negotiate against – poll done).

What did I do to gain such success in my negotiations? By building rapport.

The moment I was introduced to the owner, a lady, I built rapport immediately. I spoke her language (literally and figuratively).  We corresponded in Chinese (again, not a favorite language of mine).  I introduced myself and told her the purpose of my visit. There were many tools that I used during the entire negotiation. But what really nailed it, was the rapport we had. She was all smiley after we closed the deal. It was a true win-win-win situation. She wins, I win and my boss wins. He gets to spend the money I save for him on booze.

 Everyone ends up winning. I love my job.