The Negotiation Guru

The single biggest danger in negotiation is not failure but to be successful without knowing why you are successful. -Jens Thang

In negotiation, you have to persuade. It can improve your negotiation results. Persuasion is something everyone has to do. There is no secret formula on how to persuade more effectively. It depends on which persuasion principles that you apply.

The 6 principles of persuasion by Robert Cialdini is not rocket science at all. This post will provide an overview of the 6 principles of persuasion which you can use immediately in your next negotiation. These 6 principles are there to guide you and not rules to live by.

Look at them as guidelines which can open up more options for you when you negotiate.

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“With great power comes great responsibility”
- adapted from Spiderman II

Power is a way to get from one place to another. It enables you to achieve what you want. You feel powerful when you are able to control the other party. Power is not a bad thing. It’s the abuse of power that makes it bad.

Power gives you the ability to influence other people. There is absolutely nothing wrong with using power. We all have power and have used power in one way or another (though you might not have noticed).

Power is dynamic and neutral. It is based not on logic but on perceptions. When the other party feels that you have power over them, it simply means that they perceive you have the ability to help them or hurt them.

Here are the 8 elements of power:

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“I don’t even call it violence when it’s in self defense; I call it intelligence.”
- Malcolm X

Experienced negotiators know hundreds of tactics and strategies. However, when under pressure they will instinctly do whatever that works. In a real world negotiation situation, unethical tactics are very common. These tactics come in all direction and you won’t have time to think.

The skilled negotiator is able to deal with unethical tactics quickly with high level of control. With dedication and consistency, we can slowly learn how to deal with unethical tactics.

Here are 5 ways to deal with unethical tactics:

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“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”
- Aristotle

Many negotiation gurus are so successful in their negotiations because of the key habits that they develop over a long period of time. I spent most of my week reading and researching into the key habits of great negotiators. Some of them have a few recurring key habits.

Your goal is to become a negotiation guru. Learn the habits from the great negotiators. Apply them into your life and see how the habits will work for you. Keep experimenting with them.

These are the 4 key habits that they have:

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Many people have emailed me after reading my previous post, “What do people lack most when they negotiate?”

Thank you for your emails. This shows that many people are aware of the importance of confidence during negotiation. And awareness is a giant step towards become better at negotiation.

Are you a confident negotiator?
Do you have bad thoughts before a negotiation?
Are you afraid of the results of your negotiation?
Do you know how to increase your confidence during negotiation?

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This is a true example of how we can learn from everyone and everything.

Here’s the story:

There were 3 blind mice living in the Cat city. One day, the friendly cat, Kathy, decided to play a trick on the 3 blind mice. She took the 3 blind mice to visit an elephant in the zoo.

She took the first blind mice to the elephant trunk and let him feel it.

Then she took the second blind mice to the elephant leg, and the third to the tail.

As the 3 blind mice grew up not seeing an elephant before, they were asked to guess what is an elephant.

1st mice: “It is a tube. Something like a vacuum cleaner.”

2nd mice: “What? You must be crazy. It is a tree trunk!”

3rd mice: “Both of you are wrong! It is a rope.”

They started fighting with each other. Kathy was delighted with the trick she played on them.

What’s the moral of the story? (eek…)

Different people have different perspectives in life. Their perspectives are determined by the experience they had. We all have a tendency to delude ourselves into believing what we want to believe. Our minds have many different ways of mapping different possibilities even to a single event.

How can this be applied to negotiation?

Sometimes during a negotiation, both parties have different perspectives on a single issue. Many negotiation come to an impasse simply because they cannot see eye to eye on certain things.

From the 3 blind mice story, we learn that people might not see something the way you see it.

We have to be open to other opinions.
Listen to them.
Try to see where they are coming from.
Understand them.
Get into their shoes.

Only after you have fully understand where the other party is coming from, you will then be able to negotiate properly. Without proper understanding of the other party’s point of view, you will be left guessing his thoughts.

Being wise means being open to learning from the other perspectives. When you do feel stuck during a negotiation, it’s probably because you have not been able to see from the other point of view.

Remember: If 3 blind mice can say 3 different things, what about us?

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Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

It’s so hard to find people who are willing to admit their mistakes. What happened to taking ownership of your own mistakes?

It appears to me that many organizations are training their customer-service staff not to admit mistakes. The logic is probably that admitting mistakes means taking responsibility for the wrong-doing.

For many reasons, many people find admitting their mistakes difficult (especially during a negotiation). This is probably due to the cultural assumptions that we have when we make a mistake. Mistakes and failures bring about shame to oneself. We have been taught since young that we ought to feel guilty about failure and should do everything we can to avoid failing.

Think of the times you failed to do accomplish something when you were young. How did your parents react to you? What did your peers say about you? How did you feel about your failure?

This strong combination of shame and unavoidable setbacks while attempting a challenge drives people to give up their goals. They are not prepared for the mistakes they will make on their way to success.

How does this apply to negotiation?

Admitting a mistake you have made during a negotiation is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, its a sign of strength. It reflects greatly on you. The other party will see you more as a human when you acknowledge your own faults.

When you do acknowledge your own fault, you demonstrate courage. More importantly, you portray yourself as someone with integrity. Maintaining integrity is essential to becoming a good negotiator.

Master negotiators admit their mistakes easily. They understand that by admitting their mistakes, they will enhance the results of their negotiation. By doing so, they also accelerate the progress of the negotiation instead of finding ways to cover up their mistakes. This is a win-win situation.

“Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.” - Mark Twain

Remember: Learn to acknowledge a fault during negotiation.

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Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

In my previous post, I have described to you the Socratic Method to question and influence the other party. Let me use an example to illustrate to you:

Suppose you had to negotiate with your colleague about the expansion strategy my company should be taking. Let just say he had supported expansion plan A. You would need to first decide on a strategy and try to get him to agree to my proposal. This would require him to admit that his proposal was not feasible and had little chance of success. Definitely not an easy feat.

Opposing him and refusing his proposal directly will send a very strong signal to him. You should refrain from revealing your true intentions. Began by agreeing with him on his proposal and encouraged him to elaborate more. Like Socrates, start asking questions which seemingly skirted the main topic. This way, you could slowly catch them in their inconsistencies.

Assuming let’s just say that his main point was that his expansion plan would bring the company global, bringing in more clients from all over the world. It would result in fast expansion of the company. Get them committed to what they had said by rephrasing.

“So you are saying that going with the global expansion plan will bring in more clients for the company? Am I right on this?”

From there, start finding weaknesses in his claim.

“Do you know of any similar companies which had taken on such expansion plans before?”

“What are the costs for executing such a grand plan?”

“Do you know if other companies which expanded took this route we have on our table now?” (notice i use “we”, this sends a subtle signal to him that you agree with his plan and will help him open up to you.”

“Did this work for our company previously?”

“What are the concerns that we have to look into before we take on this plan?”

“Are there any pitfalls we should avoid?”

“How much do we have to invest and is the ROI worth it at this stage?”

“Will we bring in new problems?”

“What would happen if we execute this plan differently?”

“How would you have ensured the success of this plan?”

The final attack:
“Is it right to execute such a plan that has so much risks involved with no guarantee of success?”

What I am really trying to do is to find weak points in this proposal. Framing it in such a way that you would hope his plan to succeed as much as he did. Having so many weak points built up at the end of the discussion, adopting his proposal might not seem feasible anymore. Ultimately, you are bringing him from Point A to Point B to Point C.

We are not trying to trick another person into believing something else. You believed that his plan was flawed and you wanted him to communicate that to him. Hitting him face on would make him defensive and reactive. Using the Socratic Method would help open him up to possibilities that he might be wrong.

Remember: Ask questions that will navigate the other party towards a position you want him to be.

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Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

The problem with many negotiators is that they do not direct their questions towards a certain purpose. The art of questioning has to be strategic. To be truly prepared, you need to put some thoughts and time into the type of questions you direct to the other party. Work out the questions with a strategic plan in mind.

Many negotiators believe that by proving inconsistency in the other party is strategic and tactical. They cannot be further from being strategic. When you show that you are trying to provoke them in your questions, you turn on the defensive mode of the other party. You put them on guard and that is not something you want to achieve during a negotiation. As the other party starts to get defensive and closes up to any form of conversation, the negotiation will go nowhere.

The true art is to make the other party open up to you. Lower their defense wall. And attack from a direction they did not anticipate.

Let me introduce the Socratic Method

This wonderful method requires you to understand both the viewpoint of the other party and HOW he came to that conclusion. By truly understanding the other party’s position, you will be able to identify the weak areas and start ripping them apart in a subtle way.

How do you apply the Socratic Method to negotiation?

First, begin by letting the other party express his interest and his decision. Ask him how he would like the negotiation to be resolved. Appear to agree with him at first and acknowledge whatever they are saying to be valid.

Start asking questions that presumably fringed on the main topic of the negotiation, but attacked the weak points into everything the other party has put out during the initial stage of the negotiation.

What you are trying to achieve, is not only to influence the other party to change his initial stand on the issue. But also make it appear to be his own idea.

With this, you truly convince.

You can still hold on to your initial viewpoint but the key is really to act like others. People do not like to believe that they are wrong. They always think that their decision is the best and they strongly believe in it. By proposing a challenge to their belief, you are attacking their ego. Again, you want them to tear down their own position and not build a wall around it.

With this Socratic Method, you will be able to question anyone’s fundamental beliefs in any topic. And of course, essential in negotiations.

Think about how you would apply the Socratic Method for your next negotiation. Email me your thoughts and results. We will evaluate them together.

Remember: Never challenge the other party’s position and viewpoint. Apply the Socratic Method to tear him down.

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Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

Listening is the best skill you can learn to do better in negotiations. It is the best way to learn more about the other party. It’s not surprising that there are many people with poor listening skills. Everyone wants others to listen to them. This validates their self-worth.

Learning more about the other party you are negotiating with will drastically improve the results of your negotiations.

How to listen?

1) Question

There’s a huge difference between hearing and listening. For the latter, you have TO BE THERE. You must take a more proactive stance to listening. Throw questions. After you have asked a question, listen. Don’t say another word. Give the other party more chances to speak. The more they talk, the more they will reveal information. In turn, the better your results.

“What are the reasons for requesting for this?”

“What is the best way to go about doing to this?”

“When do you think we should sign the deal?”

“How is it possible for us to come to an agreement?”

“What is holding you back?”

Listen to what the other party has to say and ask questions which will reveal more information.

2) Paraphrase

Paraphrasing is to check your understanding. It means that you express what you understand from the conversation using your own words. When you paraphrased, you let the other party know that you are listening. If you show that you have taken in whatever she has said, you will be more successful in gaining her trust. This also increase the chances of her listening to what you have to say.

“Just to make sure I get you right on this…”

“If i’m not wrong, you are trying to say that…”

“Correct me if i’m wrong…”

3) Acknowledge

To acknowledge means to express your understanding of the other party’s emotion. Negotiation can be an emotional affair. When someone negotiates, she is constantly looking out for validation. In her mind, she might be thinking, “Is my opening okay?” “Do they think that my concern is trivial?” “Do they think that I’m hard to deal with?” “Do they think that I’m demanding?”

To move on in a negotiation, we have to validate the other party’s emotions.

“Sounds like you are very concerned with the delivery…”

“It occurred to me that you are unhappy with the terms…”

“I can understand why you are not happy with this condition…”

“I can see the reason you should be upset..”

“I am hearing what you say, you are disappointed because…”

Remember: 3 steps to listen for more information: Question, Paraphrase, Acknowledge

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Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

Definitely! You can have too much power when it comes to negotiation. This happens when you know that the other party has much more to lose should there be no deal. So, can having too much power be a bad thing? Yes.

When people have too much power, they tend to be arrogant. Your arrogance will show in the way you negotiate. You want to make the other party feel that a good relationship is being built in the process of negotiation. You should not make her feel that she is being bullied into closing the deal with you. Let the other party leave the negotiating table feeling victorious.

The other party will appreciate that you do not abuse your power. In return, there might be a higher chance of her returning the favor to you. If you do follow the law of reciprocity, you will understand that it pays to be nice (sometimes!). Believe in Karma.

In a business negotiation, you want to aim for a healthy working relationship.

Having too much power can cause you to underestimate the other party. Power is a perception concept. How much power each other has, depends on how the other party perceive them to have.

You might think that the other party is weak and therefore underestimate his power. This can be dangerous. Never underestimate the party you are negotiating with. The power balance in negotiation is dynamic. It changes every single minute. I will discuss the dynamism in the negotiation process in my later posts.

Remember: Even when you have a lot of negotiating power, do not abuse it.

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Jens Thang
Unleash The Negotiation Guru In You!

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

Classy negotiator?! Is there such a thing? I believe there is. A negotiator is not always about being competitive, collaborative, avoiding and the whatnot. Whichever type of negotiating styles you have, you can still be a classy negotiator.

What’s a classy negotiator? Someone with class. Simple as that.

This does not mean that you have to put on your Hugo Boss suit that is tastefully designed and tailored. It means that you always maintain refined grace.

Being a classy negotiator means that you do not speak ill of the other party (before and after the negotiation). Instead, speak well of them in public.

Some of your peers might come up to you and say, “that guy is an ass.” Stop them. Correct them.

A classy negotiator will say, “well, it’s a pity that the deal did not work out the way both of us wanted to. We are still on good terms and looking forward to dealing with each other again.”

This is absolute class. Instead of trying to badmouth (or bitch about) the other party, you say good things about them.This is not being fake or phony. This is about respecting the other party. Putting the other party down and shifting all the blame to him for not being a good partner is a loser way of approaching things. Don’t act like a kid. Behave graciously.

Accept the fact that when a deal breaks down, it’s the fault of both sides. Never the fault of his alone.Having this mentality will change the way you deal with people. Have a positive outlook on everything.Believe that no matter how tough the party is, he has positive intentions. Perhaps both parties interests just don’t match.

Remember: Be a classy negotiator.

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Jens Thang
Unleash The Negotiation Guru In You!

There are some people who are so driven by the need for acceptance by others that in the process, they lose their identity. Fear of rejection can result in irrational behavior and thinking.

I have heard so many people say before a negotiation, “What if they do not like my offer? Will I offend them if I offer them this?” Guess what, the results usually turn out bad.

People who are afraid of rejection are usually not assertive during negotiations. They tend to speak up lesser and exhibit low confidence. Although some might have a tendency to exhibit aggressive behavior to mask their insecurity. They become so inflexible and rigid which is antithesis of what a good negotiator should be.

Face it, rejection is part of life.

You can never run away from rejection. All of us can handle rejection better than we believe we could. Do not let fear of rejection get in your way of negotiating a good deal. You should not let a few “no” get in your way of success. Never take a “no” personally. The other party is saying no what to you have offered, it has nothing to do with you as a person.

There can be many reasons why the other party might say no to your offer. This is your chance to probe. Get more information from him. Then get him to propose an alternative.

“Why do you not agree to this term?”

“Is there something that’s keeping you from saying no?”

“Will you be able to make the decision? If not, is there anyone that I can talk to?”

“What do you suggest that is fair to both sides?”

“Are you suggesting that we should …”

Don’t get too discouraged by rejection.

Maybe the time is not right. Maybe the proposal you gave was not good. Maybe you did not justify your offer. Maybe the concession you are giving is not their wants. Maybe they have other interests. Maybe they need something else from you.

Maybe..maybe…maybe…the list goes on and on…

There are just too many reasons for them to say no. Instead of behaving in a self-defeating way, deal with it. Probe more! Negotiate more!

“I think all great innovations are built on rejections” - Louis Ferdinard Celine

“I think all great deals are built on rejections” - Jens Thang

Remember: Each “no” is one step closer to negotiating the best deal in your life.

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Jens Thang
Unleash The Negotiation Guru In You!

We never treasure things we obtain easily. This applies to all parts of life. We only treasure things that we cannot have and don’t see much value in things we get too easily.

To illustrate this point:

2 years ago, I was given the task of being the baby-sitter for the day. I had to take care of my niece. She was 6 years old then. It’s amazing how much i can learn about human psychology just by playing with my niece.

Kids love attention. And this can be irritating at times when you have other things to attend to. Imagine you are rushing your report which will be due the next day. And a kid keeps coming to you, demanding for attention. What will you do? Naturally, we will find something that will hold the kid’s attention, at least for a while. I gave my niece a soft toy to play with, hoping that it would hold her attention. After 5 minutes, she threw the toy on the floor and bugged me for another! I reckoned that if i were to give her another toy, the same thing would happen again. So, i decided to give value to the next toy i was going to give to her.

“This toy is really precious to me. My best friend gave it to me and I REALLY love it. I can’t let you have it.”

I did this for like 10 minutes. She grew impatient and started throwing tantrums. I simply ignored her. Then i said, “Alright, if you can be a good girl for 15 minutes (pointing to the clock), I will let you see my toy.” She agreed immediately.

In negotiations, similar situations happen all the time. We have something that the other party wants. Learning to hold back and create value for that thing (even if its free), we will be able gain leverage. Always give weight to everything they ask for.

We often hold back on the concessions we are willing to give until the other party agrees to giving us something that we value. Augmenting the attractiveness and value of a particular offer is a powerful tool to use to get what we want from the negotiation.

Never give away concessions too easily. Let them work for it.

Having an agenda ready before you step into the negotiation room is essential. You need to know what you hope to achieve after the negotiation. I have negotiated with sales people who absolutely have no idea what they want to achieve from the deal. Sitting on the other side of the table, I felt that the party is either not interested in the deal or totally insincere. Either way, this is not a good thing for a relationship-based deal.

To go into negotiation with an agenda, you need to prepare beforehand. You have to consider your objectives, needs, wants, bargaining points and walk-away value (BATNA). This require due diligence on your part but it always pay off. You will save both parties a lot of time if you know what you want. No one likes to have a long dreary negotiation.

Do not enter the negotiation hall without knowing what you want.