The Negotiation Guru

Confidence

The ability to control yourself and to control the way you negotiate will drastically affect the results of your negotiation. You will need to think and act confidence in order to be a strong negotiator. Show that you know what you are talking about. Let them feel that you are in charge of the situation and you have the ability to influence the outcome of the negotiation. The way you carry yourself speaks loudly of how confident you are as a negotiator.

According to Dr Brian Roet, author of The Confidence to be Yourself, there are 3 ways to have more self-confidence:

1) Know yourself

Who are you?

What are your dominant personality traits?

What kind of person you are?

What motivates you?

What saddens you?

What frightens you?

What makes you happy?

2) Like yourself

What do you like most about yourself?

What do you dislike most about yourself?

What do you like most about others?

What do you dislike most about others?

3) Accept yourself

Tell yourself that no matter what happens in the outcome of the negotiation, you will still be the person before the negotiation.

You should still be the same person before, during and after the negotiation.

Here are my 20 ways to build your own confidence during a negotiation:

1) Negotiate in an assertive manner

2) Believe in yourself

3) Take charge of your own action

4) Speak in a calm manner when negotiating

5) Listen during a negotiation

6) Remain flexible throughout the negotiation process without compromising your own goals

7) Self-assessment and self-evaluation

8). Accept criticism in a graceful manner

9) Learn from own negotiation mistakes (sometimes others)

10) Understand that you have the ability to influence the other party

11) Understand that you have the ability to influence the outcome of the negotiation

12) Accept ownership of your own negotiation

13) Be kind to yourself. Don’t put yourself down too much if you do not achieve the negotiation results you set to achieve

14) Be conscious of the other party’s emotions and feelings

15) Be helpful. See negotiation as a process to help improve both sides, not only to win

16) Be honest with your dealing and the things you say during a negotiation

17) Walk tall

18) See negotiation as a series of challenges

19) Do not be too quick to judge

20) Accept that negotiation is dynamic. Change is common during a negotiation

Remember: To be a strong negotiator, be confident!

Send me an email with the word “I need confidence!” in the subject line, I will share more insights with you.

—————–
Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

1) Ask questions

2) Give acknowledgments

3) Shut-up

4) Paraphrase

5) Follow-up

6) Positive body language

7) Keep nodding your head

8). Say lots of “mm”s

9) Take notes

10) Allow him to finish his sentences

11) Keep an open mind

12) Shut-up (again!)

13) Give full attention

14) Give feedback

15) Don’t get distracted by surroundings

16) Don’t get distracted by your inner thoughts

17) Listen with your face

18) Maintain eye contact

19) Avoid getting emotionally involved

20) Don’t think of what you are going to say

21) Lean forward

22) Summarize what you have heard

23) Empathy, Empathy, Empathy

24) Be genuinely interested

25) Put yourself in his shoes

26) Respect everything he has to say

27) Turn off your cellphone

28) Remove your watch

29) Don’t look at the clock

30) Encourage him to elaborate

31) Ask meaningful questions

32) Shut-up

33) Show that you are open to what he has to say

34) Speak at the same volume

35) Speak at the same rate

36) Be patient

37) Be comfortable with pauses

38) Give reassurance to the other party

39) Accept the fact that everyone has her own style of expression

40) Ask empowering questions

41) Did I say “Shut-up”?

42) Say “Uh-huhs”

43) Smile

43) Agree with what the speaker has to say

44) Do everything I have listed in MODERATION (except for the “shut-up”s)

I challenge you to try these in your next negotiation or even your next conversation with anyone. Email me after you have done so.

—————–
Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

Listening is the best skill you can learn to do better in negotiations. It is the best way to learn more about the other party. It’s not surprising that there are many people with poor listening skills. Everyone wants others to listen to them. This validates their self-worth.

Learning more about the other party you are negotiating with will drastically improve the results of your negotiations.

How to listen?

1) Question

There’s a huge difference between hearing and listening. For the latter, you have TO BE THERE. You must take a more proactive stance to listening. Throw questions. After you have asked a question, listen. Don’t say another word. Give the other party more chances to speak. The more they talk, the more they will reveal information. In turn, the better your results.

“What are the reasons for requesting for this?”

“What is the best way to go about doing to this?”

“When do you think we should sign the deal?”

“How is it possible for us to come to an agreement?”

“What is holding you back?”

Listen to what the other party has to say and ask questions which will reveal more information.

2) Paraphrase

Paraphrasing is to check your understanding. It means that you express what you understand from the conversation using your own words. When you paraphrased, you let the other party know that you are listening. If you show that you have taken in whatever she has said, you will be more successful in gaining her trust. This also increase the chances of her listening to what you have to say.

“Just to make sure I get you right on this…”

“If i’m not wrong, you are trying to say that…”

“Correct me if i’m wrong…”

3) Acknowledge

To acknowledge means to express your understanding of the other party’s emotion. Negotiation can be an emotional affair. When someone negotiates, she is constantly looking out for validation. In her mind, she might be thinking, “Is my opening okay?” “Do they think that my concern is trivial?” “Do they think that I’m hard to deal with?” “Do they think that I’m demanding?”

To move on in a negotiation, we have to validate the other party’s emotions.

“Sounds like you are very concerned with the delivery…”

“It occurred to me that you are unhappy with the terms…”

“I can understand why you are not happy with this condition…”

“I can see the reason you should be upset..”

“I am hearing what you say, you are disappointed because…”

Remember: 3 steps to listen for more information: Question, Paraphrase, Acknowledge

—————–
Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

Definitely! You can have too much power when it comes to negotiation. This happens when you know that the other party has much more to lose should there be no deal. So, can having too much power be a bad thing? Yes.

When people have too much power, they tend to be arrogant. Your arrogance will show in the way you negotiate. You want to make the other party feel that a good relationship is being built in the process of negotiation. You should not make her feel that she is being bullied into closing the deal with you. Let the other party leave the negotiating table feeling victorious.

The other party will appreciate that you do not abuse your power. In return, there might be a higher chance of her returning the favor to you. If you do follow the law of reciprocity, you will understand that it pays to be nice (sometimes!). Believe in Karma.

In a business negotiation, you want to aim for a healthy working relationship.

Having too much power can cause you to underestimate the other party. Power is a perception concept. How much power each other has, depends on how the other party perceive them to have.

You might think that the other party is weak and therefore underestimate his power. This can be dangerous. Never underestimate the party you are negotiating with. The power balance in negotiation is dynamic. It changes every single minute. I will discuss the dynamism in the negotiation process in my later posts.

Remember: Even when you have a lot of negotiating power, do not abuse it.

————–
Jens Thang
Unleash The Negotiation Guru In You!

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

Classy negotiator?! Is there such a thing? I believe there is. A negotiator is not always about being competitive, collaborative, avoiding and the whatnot. Whichever type of negotiating styles you have, you can still be a classy negotiator.

What’s a classy negotiator? Someone with class. Simple as that.

This does not mean that you have to put on your Hugo Boss suit that is tastefully designed and tailored. It means that you always maintain refined grace.

Being a classy negotiator means that you do not speak ill of the other party (before and after the negotiation). Instead, speak well of them in public.

Some of your peers might come up to you and say, “that guy is an ass.” Stop them. Correct them.

A classy negotiator will say, “well, it’s a pity that the deal did not work out the way both of us wanted to. We are still on good terms and looking forward to dealing with each other again.”

This is absolute class. Instead of trying to badmouth (or bitch about) the other party, you say good things about them.This is not being fake or phony. This is about respecting the other party. Putting the other party down and shifting all the blame to him for not being a good partner is a loser way of approaching things. Don’t act like a kid. Behave graciously.

Accept the fact that when a deal breaks down, it’s the fault of both sides. Never the fault of his alone.Having this mentality will change the way you deal with people. Have a positive outlook on everything.Believe that no matter how tough the party is, he has positive intentions. Perhaps both parties interests just don’t match.

Remember: Be a classy negotiator.

————–
Jens Thang
Unleash The Negotiation Guru In You!

This is something I learn from Tim Ferris’ “The 4-Hour Workweek” book.

To learn more, please buy his “4-Hour Workweek”. It has much valuable information inside. It’s about getting the life you want. He gives useful tips on how to live the life. Negotiate for the life that you want!

Tim Ferris gave a simple 5 step process to negotiate with your boss. It’s as easy as that!Step 1: Increase Investment

Get your boss to invest more in you. Tell him about the employee training program that will be beneficial to the company such as “Negotiation Executive Workshop”. This is to get your boss to make investment in you so that he will feel he has more to lose if you do quit at the end of the day. Very smart move!

Step 2: Prove Increased Output Offsite

Call in sick 2 days of a normal workweek. Do it on Tuesday and Thursday. The reason why is because you don’t want to give the impression that you want a 3-day long weekend. It’s just more convincing. Make sure that you really do work on these 2 days. In fact, work harder. Be 5 times more productive than normal. How do you let your boss know that? Send him deliverables. Send him emails. Let him know what you have done. Show him what you have done. Tim suggests using GoToMyPc remote access software so that you can pilot your office computer from home.

Step 3: Prepare the Quantifiable Business Benefit

Create a bullet-point list of what you have achieved during the 2 days of sick leave. Show it to your boss. You must present it in such a way that letting you work from home is good for the business, not just a personal gain. Explain that without the distraction of office noise and the commute, you are able to do more.

Step 4: Propose a Revocable Trial Period

Revocable is a keyword here. You must still let your boss feel that he has power over you. Propose that you wish to work from home 2 days a week.

“Hey boss, for a trial, I let to propose to work from home 2 days a week. You can revoke it anytime you want if you do not think it’s good for the business.”

The reason why you propose 2 days is so that at least you have a backup of proposing 1 day.

Step 5: Expand Remote time

Always make sure that you are MOST productive when you are away from the office.

“I was shocked at the results of me working at home. It makes a lot of business sense too. I have achieved so much from working at home. I am enjoying my work so much more now. I would like to suggest doing a 2-day week. I will come in on Wednesday and Friday. We can do any 3 days you prefer.”

“I can’t do that.”

“What’s your main concern?”

“What if everyone wants to do the same?”

“You are right. You have a very valid reason. Let me be honest. I was actually having the intention to quit after all the interruptions, commuting and whatnot. But I am actually surprised by how I feel after working from home. I feel that I can be more productive at home and be much happier. Not everyone can work from home. They have to exhibit that they are more productive at home. If they are really more productive, why not let them work at home too? This makes a lot of business sense. Can I test it out for another 2 weeks? I will show you the results and if you are not happy, you can always change your mind.”

“By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day. – Robert Frost

—————–
Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

We never treasure things we obtain easily. This applies to all parts of life. We only treasure things that we cannot have and don’t see much value in things we get too easily.

To illustrate this point:

2 years ago, I was given the task of being the baby-sitter for the day. I had to take care of my niece. She was 6 years old then. It’s amazing how much i can learn about human psychology just by playing with my niece.

Kids love attention. And this can be irritating at times when you have other things to attend to. Imagine you are rushing your report which will be due the next day. And a kid keeps coming to you, demanding for attention. What will you do? Naturally, we will find something that will hold the kid’s attention, at least for a while. I gave my niece a soft toy to play with, hoping that it would hold her attention. After 5 minutes, she threw the toy on the floor and bugged me for another! I reckoned that if i were to give her another toy, the same thing would happen again. So, i decided to give value to the next toy i was going to give to her.

“This toy is really precious to me. My best friend gave it to me and I REALLY love it. I can’t let you have it.”

I did this for like 10 minutes. She grew impatient and started throwing tantrums. I simply ignored her. Then i said, “Alright, if you can be a good girl for 15 minutes (pointing to the clock), I will let you see my toy.” She agreed immediately.

In negotiations, similar situations happen all the time. We have something that the other party wants. Learning to hold back and create value for that thing (even if its free), we will be able gain leverage. Always give weight to everything they ask for.

We often hold back on the concessions we are willing to give until the other party agrees to giving us something that we value. Augmenting the attractiveness and value of a particular offer is a powerful tool to use to get what we want from the negotiation.

Never give away concessions too easily. Let them work for it.

Recently, I went to a consulting workshop conducted by Wharton school. One of the speakers from a prestigious consulting company said “I always take notes during meetings.” The audience laughed. He went on to explain why note-taking is important. This is the same for negotiations.

Note-taking gives you clarity. When you physically write down the key points during negotiations, you will be able to reflect on some of the important points that your target has revealed. In a negotiation, both parties usually have more than one interest. Listing out clearly on your notepad the interests that your target has can be used as a tool as well. You can go on and say “Let me see if I understand you correctly. You wanted a good price, after-sales service, technical support, quality products and speed-to-market.” Your target will appreciate that you are clear with what he wants. From there, you have a clear idea of his wants and can go on to work on how to negotiate a win-win deal.

This can also be used to prevent the other party from going back on their words. This is a consistency tool to be used so to keep your target committed. Very often, you find the other party changing his mind after a few days. The negotiation has to go back to square one because his interests are now totally different from what was initially discussed. To prevent this, you can use your notes as a consistency tool.

“I have it written that you mentioned in the last meeting that you wanted a good price, after-sales service… Is that still right?”

If you want to appear slightly more aggressive, you can add that:

“I believe that we can have a good deal. If your interests are unclear and change from day-to-day, I am afraid we won’t have a mutually beneficial outcome. Let me know after you have discussed with your team, we will resume negotiation then.”

This is a powerful tool. People are afraid of appearing inconsistent. The consistency principle works on everyone. I will elaborate on the consistency principle in my future posts.

Remember to take notes when you negotiate.

Today, a seasoned negotiator shared with me the 2 things that all skilled negotiators do.

1) Divide the pie and get your share

2) Don’t make the conflict any bigger than it has to be

I am pondering over what he said. What do you think?

Yahooooo! Here we go!

The brand new TheNegotiationGuru.com! Look around and let me know what you think.