The Negotiation Guru

Listening is the best skill you can learn to do better in negotiations. It is the best way to learn more about the other party. It’s not surprising that there are many people with poor listening skills. Everyone wants others to listen to them. This validates their self-worth.

Learning more about the other party you are negotiating with will drastically improve the results of your negotiations.

How to listen?

1) Question

There’s a huge difference between hearing and listening. For the latter, you have TO BE THERE. You must take a more proactive stance to listening. Throw questions. After you have asked a question, listen. Don’t say another word. Give the other party more chances to speak. The more they talk, the more they will reveal information. In turn, the better your results.

“What are the reasons for requesting for this?”

“What is the best way to go about doing to this?”

“When do you think we should sign the deal?”

“How is it possible for us to come to an agreement?”

“What is holding you back?”

Listen to what the other party has to say and ask questions which will reveal more information.

2) Paraphrase

Paraphrasing is to check your understanding. It means that you express what you understand from the conversation using your own words. When you paraphrased, you let the other party know that you are listening. If you show that you have taken in whatever she has said, you will be more successful in gaining her trust. This also increase the chances of her listening to what you have to say.

“Just to make sure I get you right on this…”

“If i’m not wrong, you are trying to say that…”

“Correct me if i’m wrong…”

3) Acknowledge

To acknowledge means to express your understanding of the other party’s emotion. Negotiation can be an emotional affair. When someone negotiates, she is constantly looking out for validation. In her mind, she might be thinking, “Is my opening okay?” “Do they think that my concern is trivial?” “Do they think that I’m hard to deal with?” “Do they think that I’m demanding?”

To move on in a negotiation, we have to validate the other party’s emotions.

“Sounds like you are very concerned with the delivery…”

“It occurred to me that you are unhappy with the terms…”

“I can understand why you are not happy with this condition…”

“I can see the reason you should be upset..”

“I am hearing what you say, you are disappointed because…”

Remember: 3 steps to listen for more information: Question, Paraphrase, Acknowledge

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Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

Before you step into the negotiating room, you have to consider many things. One of the things that you should consider is “what other options do I have?” Answering this question will alter the way you negotiate with the other party.

All skilled negotiators know their objectives before they start negotiating. They also have a bottom-line ready in case they need to walk away from the deal.

Apart from having your objectives and bottom-line, you need to consider your alternatives.

“What will I lose if there’s no deal?”

“Is there a better option?”

“Do I have another offer?”

“Can I get this from another firm?”

Think through all the possible alternatives that you can have. There are usually more alternatives if you look hard enough. One of the common mistakes a negotiator make is to think that they have everything to lose if there’s no deal. This will change the way you negotiate. Be really careful of this.

Never be too focused on trying to close the deal.

Imagine you have to shop for a birthday present for your best friend. You decided to get him a red tie.

Now there are 2 scenarios:

1) There’s only 1 shop in this world which sells red ties

2) There are 10 shops in your neighborhood that sell red ties

The way you negotiate in the 2 different scenarios will be vastly different. If you think that there’s only 1 shop in this world that sells red ties, you probably haven’t looked hard enough. There’s probably another shop that sells red tie just round the corner.

Having alternatives will improve your leverage when you negotiate.

Remember: Always have alternatives before you start negotiating.————–

—————–
Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

Classy negotiator?! Is there such a thing? I believe there is. A negotiator is not always about being competitive, collaborative, avoiding and the whatnot. Whichever type of negotiating styles you have, you can still be a classy negotiator.

What’s a classy negotiator? Someone with class. Simple as that.

This does not mean that you have to put on your Hugo Boss suit that is tastefully designed and tailored. It means that you always maintain refined grace.

Being a classy negotiator means that you do not speak ill of the other party (before and after the negotiation). Instead, speak well of them in public.

Some of your peers might come up to you and say, “that guy is an ass.” Stop them. Correct them.

A classy negotiator will say, “well, it’s a pity that the deal did not work out the way both of us wanted to. We are still on good terms and looking forward to dealing with each other again.”

This is absolute class. Instead of trying to badmouth (or bitch about) the other party, you say good things about them.This is not being fake or phony. This is about respecting the other party. Putting the other party down and shifting all the blame to him for not being a good partner is a loser way of approaching things. Don’t act like a kid. Behave graciously.

Accept the fact that when a deal breaks down, it’s the fault of both sides. Never the fault of his alone.Having this mentality will change the way you deal with people. Have a positive outlook on everything.Believe that no matter how tough the party is, he has positive intentions. Perhaps both parties interests just don’t match.

Remember: Be a classy negotiator.

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Jens Thang
Unleash The Negotiation Guru In You!

There are some people who are so driven by the need for acceptance by others that in the process, they lose their identity. Fear of rejection can result in irrational behavior and thinking.

I have heard so many people say before a negotiation, “What if they do not like my offer? Will I offend them if I offer them this?” Guess what, the results usually turn out bad.

People who are afraid of rejection are usually not assertive during negotiations. They tend to speak up lesser and exhibit low confidence. Although some might have a tendency to exhibit aggressive behavior to mask their insecurity. They become so inflexible and rigid which is antithesis of what a good negotiator should be.

Face it, rejection is part of life.

You can never run away from rejection. All of us can handle rejection better than we believe we could. Do not let fear of rejection get in your way of negotiating a good deal. You should not let a few “no” get in your way of success. Never take a “no” personally. The other party is saying no what to you have offered, it has nothing to do with you as a person.

There can be many reasons why the other party might say no to your offer. This is your chance to probe. Get more information from him. Then get him to propose an alternative.

“Why do you not agree to this term?”

“Is there something that’s keeping you from saying no?”

“Will you be able to make the decision? If not, is there anyone that I can talk to?”

“What do you suggest that is fair to both sides?”

“Are you suggesting that we should …”

Don’t get too discouraged by rejection.

Maybe the time is not right. Maybe the proposal you gave was not good. Maybe you did not justify your offer. Maybe the concession you are giving is not their wants. Maybe they have other interests. Maybe they need something else from you.

Maybe..maybe…maybe…the list goes on and on…

There are just too many reasons for them to say no. Instead of behaving in a self-defeating way, deal with it. Probe more! Negotiate more!

“I think all great innovations are built on rejections” - Louis Ferdinard Celine

“I think all great deals are built on rejections” - Jens Thang

Remember: Each “no” is one step closer to negotiating the best deal in your life.

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Jens Thang
Unleash The Negotiation Guru In You!

We never treasure things we obtain easily. This applies to all parts of life. We only treasure things that we cannot have and don’t see much value in things we get too easily.

To illustrate this point:

2 years ago, I was given the task of being the baby-sitter for the day. I had to take care of my niece. She was 6 years old then. It’s amazing how much i can learn about human psychology just by playing with my niece.

Kids love attention. And this can be irritating at times when you have other things to attend to. Imagine you are rushing your report which will be due the next day. And a kid keeps coming to you, demanding for attention. What will you do? Naturally, we will find something that will hold the kid’s attention, at least for a while. I gave my niece a soft toy to play with, hoping that it would hold her attention. After 5 minutes, she threw the toy on the floor and bugged me for another! I reckoned that if i were to give her another toy, the same thing would happen again. So, i decided to give value to the next toy i was going to give to her.

“This toy is really precious to me. My best friend gave it to me and I REALLY love it. I can’t let you have it.”

I did this for like 10 minutes. She grew impatient and started throwing tantrums. I simply ignored her. Then i said, “Alright, if you can be a good girl for 15 minutes (pointing to the clock), I will let you see my toy.” She agreed immediately.

In negotiations, similar situations happen all the time. We have something that the other party wants. Learning to hold back and create value for that thing (even if its free), we will be able gain leverage. Always give weight to everything they ask for.

We often hold back on the concessions we are willing to give until the other party agrees to giving us something that we value. Augmenting the attractiveness and value of a particular offer is a powerful tool to use to get what we want from the negotiation.

Never give away concessions too easily. Let them work for it.

Recently, I went to a consulting workshop conducted by Wharton school. One of the speakers from a prestigious consulting company said “I always take notes during meetings.” The audience laughed. He went on to explain why note-taking is important. This is the same for negotiations.

Note-taking gives you clarity. When you physically write down the key points during negotiations, you will be able to reflect on some of the important points that your target has revealed. In a negotiation, both parties usually have more than one interest. Listing out clearly on your notepad the interests that your target has can be used as a tool as well. You can go on and say “Let me see if I understand you correctly. You wanted a good price, after-sales service, technical support, quality products and speed-to-market.” Your target will appreciate that you are clear with what he wants. From there, you have a clear idea of his wants and can go on to work on how to negotiate a win-win deal.

This can also be used to prevent the other party from going back on their words. This is a consistency tool to be used so to keep your target committed. Very often, you find the other party changing his mind after a few days. The negotiation has to go back to square one because his interests are now totally different from what was initially discussed. To prevent this, you can use your notes as a consistency tool.

“I have it written that you mentioned in the last meeting that you wanted a good price, after-sales service… Is that still right?”

If you want to appear slightly more aggressive, you can add that:

“I believe that we can have a good deal. If your interests are unclear and change from day-to-day, I am afraid we won’t have a mutually beneficial outcome. Let me know after you have discussed with your team, we will resume negotiation then.”

This is a powerful tool. People are afraid of appearing inconsistent. The consistency principle works on everyone. I will elaborate on the consistency principle in my future posts.

Remember to take notes when you negotiate.

Having an agenda ready before you step into the negotiation room is essential. You need to know what you hope to achieve after the negotiation. I have negotiated with sales people who absolutely have no idea what they want to achieve from the deal. Sitting on the other side of the table, I felt that the party is either not interested in the deal or totally insincere. Either way, this is not a good thing for a relationship-based deal.

To go into negotiation with an agenda, you need to prepare beforehand. You have to consider your objectives, needs, wants, bargaining points and walk-away value (BATNA). This require due diligence on your part but it always pay off. You will save both parties a lot of time if you know what you want. No one likes to have a long dreary negotiation.

Do not enter the negotiation hall without knowing what you want.

I cannot stress further the importance of building rapport. Today, I was asked to negotiate with a food vendor. My organization is having a Halloween party this Saturday. We have been getting pizzas and hoagies for all our events. This time round, we decided to try Chinese food.

Yes, that means I will have to negotiate against a Chinese (not a favorite race to negotiate against – poll done).

What did I do to gain such success in my negotiations? By building rapport.

The moment I was introduced to the owner, a lady, I built rapport immediately. I spoke her language (literally and figuratively).  We corresponded in Chinese (again, not a favorite language of mine).  I introduced myself and told her the purpose of my visit. There were many tools that I used during the entire negotiation. But what really nailed it, was the rapport we had. She was all smiley after we closed the deal. It was a true win-win-win situation. She wins, I win and my boss wins. He gets to spend the money I save for him on booze.

 Everyone ends up winning. I love my job.

The ability to see from the other party’s perspective is perhaps the most important skill a skilled negotiator should have. You really have to think beyond yourself and put yourself into the other party’s shoes. Think from his perspective. What does he want? What are his underlying interests?

This is easier said than done. Identifying the other party’s interest is also probably the hardest thing to accomplish in a negotiation. Failing to disclose his interests is one of the cardinal sins in negotiation.

How do you discover interests?

Put yourself into the other party’s shoes. Analyze and inspect his stance. These are a few examples:

If you are negotiating with your boss for a promotion,

“Why does he not want to promote me?”

If you are negotiating with your husband on the venue of your dinner,

“Why does he not want this restaurant?”

If you are negotiating with your kids to study an extra hour,

“Why does he not want to study?”

If you are negotiating with your business partner on a deal,

“Why does he not want his concession?”

If you are negotiating with your landlord,

“Why does he want to increase the rent?”

Keep asking why. This will put you in his position and see from their perspectives. You will immediately have a clearer picture of their underlying interests. Try role-playing in your head or get a friend to help you with this. Imagine that you are the person you are negotiating with and negotiate against yourself. This is a very useful process in the preparation stage.

When you are in the actual negotiation, you should still ask him why he takes this specific position. Never assume! Asking him why will ensure that you did not make any wrong assumption of his interests in the preparation stage. Be very clear that you are asking him because you wish to find out more about his interests. And be really tactful when you ask why. Sometimes, it can come across as intrusive and even offensive.

Sometimes, we do get people who are liars. Consider how you will want to negotiate with liars. Is there a way we can deal with liars? We will discuss these in my future posts.