The Negotiation Guru

“You can stand tall without standing on someone. You can be a victor without having victims.”
- Harriet Woods

The best way to win and win BIG at a negotiation? Get to a win-win situation.

The main objective of a win-win negotiation is to be able to help the other party get what they want. Here, I am not advocating that you should sacrifice to help them get what they want. Find a solution that is best for both parties. Make them leave the negotiating table feeling that they have won.

The term “win-win” has been abused many times over. You can even negotiate on what a “win-win” solution is. Ideally, you want the other party to feel that it’s a win-win solution as well. It has to be mutual. If you are alone in believing that it’s an ideal win-win situation, you can’t be further from the truth.

So, how can we arrive at a true win-win situation?

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“I don’t even call it violence when it’s in self defense; I call it intelligence.”
- Malcolm X

Experienced negotiators know hundreds of tactics and strategies. However, when under pressure they will instinctly do whatever that works. In a real world negotiation situation, unethical tactics are very common. These tactics come in all direction and you won’t have time to think.

The skilled negotiator is able to deal with unethical tactics quickly with high level of control. With dedication and consistency, we can slowly learn how to deal with unethical tactics.

Here are 5 ways to deal with unethical tactics:

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Here’s the story:

There is a blind man and a lame man. They often compete against each other to see who’s better in what. One day, their deaf friend got so sick of their competition and came up with an idea.

“Let me be the judge. Whoever gets to my place first, will be the winner.”

The blind man and lame man were both set to win this competition. However, the deaf man stays 10 miles away from them. For many weeks, they brainstormed on how to get to their deaf friend. The blind man won’t be able to see the road and the lame man won’t be able to walk.

A brilliant idea struck them!

The lame man will get on the shoulders of the blind man. They collaborated! The blind man will be the lame man’s legs. And the lame man will be the blind man’s eyes. How wonderful! They were so happy and they got on their way.

As you are able to guess, both are winners. Win-Win!

Collaboration is indeed more powerful than competition.

What are the reasons to collaborate?

1) Improve relationships

It is really hard (near impossible) to main positive feelings about anyone who is trying to make you lose. Arguments and negotiation impasse are often the results from competition mindset.

By collaborating, the challenge and success are shared. At the end, its the relationship that really counts.

2) Sharing of expertise

If we often compete to win in a negotiation, we will overlook many aspects of collaboration. On such aspect is the sharing of expertise. Everyone is interdependent. In business, you depend on your partner. In your family, you depend on your family members. In work place, you depend on your colleagues.

Competition makes it real hard to share our resources, skills and experiences. We are so involved in our own exclusive goal.

In a negotiation, every person’s role is important. So why not collaborate?

3) Well-being

Negotiations are highly stressful. Many things are at stakes. The fear of failure is the reason for this anxiety and agitation. It causes tension, embarrassment and even hostility.

Good collaborations happens when there’s a good relationship. A relationship that is non-judgmental and non-threatening.

This in turn creates an environment that is healthy for both parties.

REMEMBER: Always collaborate to win.

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Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

Successful negotiation comes from avoiding some of the common traps.

Here are 4 common traps and how you can avoid them to help you be more successful in your negotiation:

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Hi John,

I agree that sometimes we do find that we have difficulty getting people to negotiate. They just seems to be disinterested in negotiating and have previously refused to negotiate. Things can get quite complex if not handled properly.

You must be thinking, “How do I negotiate with her if I cannot even get her to talk about the issue?”

How do you get people to negotiate?

First, look at the reasons why that person does not wish to negotiate.

Investigate from all areas and all perspectives:

Does she feel there is no need to negotiate?
Is she offended by something?
Is she concerned about some issue?
Maybe she is not ready to negotiate?
Could it be because she dislikes negotiation?

After you have tried to find out the cause for her refusal to negotiate, you can then truly understand from her point of view. Some people just dislikes negotiation. If this is so, maybe use another term to replace negotiation.

“Let’s discuss this issue.”
“We need to talk about this.”
“I am concerned that we are not progressing.”
“Is there something that you like to talk about with regards to this issue?”
“When is a good time for us to discuss this?”

There are other ways to get her to negotiate with you.

1) Find someone close as your ally

Get that person to talk to her. She could be refusing to talk to you because of the kind of relationship she has with you. She could be uncomfortable negotiating with you alone. Get someone who is close to her or at least someone neutral to talk to her .

2) Lure them in with opportunities

Make it really tempting for them to come to the negotiating table.

“Hey, I found a good solution to this problem!”
“If we can discuss this, we will be able to better our relationship!”

Create more irresistible offers to entice her.

3) Arrange the situation such that she has more to lose if she drags on

Some negotiation experts use the phrase: take away their BATNA.

“This issue at hand is frustrating me, I am not sure if I am willing to wait to resolve this.” (beware of the credibility issue of a threat)
“If you are not going to talk about this, I will move forward with my decision.”

Taking away her BATNA does not necessary means threatening or blackmailing. It is more credible if you are able to do something to change the situation and not just SAY something.

4) Wait, wait and wait

If all else fails, and there is nothing much you can do, you just have to wait.

Maybe she feels that it is not the right time to negotiate yet.
Maybe she has some issues at hand.
Maybe she needs more time.
Maybe she does not think negotiation is necessary.

—————–
Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

The problem with many negotiators is that they do not direct their questions towards a certain purpose. The art of questioning has to be strategic. To be truly prepared, you need to put some thoughts and time into the type of questions you direct to the other party. Work out the questions with a strategic plan in mind.

Many negotiators believe that by proving inconsistency in the other party is strategic and tactical. They cannot be further from being strategic. When you show that you are trying to provoke them in your questions, you turn on the defensive mode of the other party. You put them on guard and that is not something you want to achieve during a negotiation. As the other party starts to get defensive and closes up to any form of conversation, the negotiation will go nowhere.

The true art is to make the other party open up to you. Lower their defense wall. And attack from a direction they did not anticipate.

Let me introduce the Socratic Method

This wonderful method requires you to understand both the viewpoint of the other party and HOW he came to that conclusion. By truly understanding the other party’s position, you will be able to identify the weak areas and start ripping them apart in a subtle way.

How do you apply the Socratic Method to negotiation?

First, begin by letting the other party express his interest and his decision. Ask him how he would like the negotiation to be resolved. Appear to agree with him at first and acknowledge whatever they are saying to be valid.

Start asking questions that presumably fringed on the main topic of the negotiation, but attacked the weak points into everything the other party has put out during the initial stage of the negotiation.

What you are trying to achieve, is not only to influence the other party to change his initial stand on the issue. But also make it appear to be his own idea.

With this, you truly convince.

You can still hold on to your initial viewpoint but the key is really to act like others. People do not like to believe that they are wrong. They always think that their decision is the best and they strongly believe in it. By proposing a challenge to their belief, you are attacking their ego. Again, you want them to tear down their own position and not build a wall around it.

With this Socratic Method, you will be able to question anyone’s fundamental beliefs in any topic. And of course, essential in negotiations.

Think about how you would apply the Socratic Method for your next negotiation. Email me your thoughts and results. We will evaluate them together.

Remember: Never challenge the other party’s position and viewpoint. Apply the Socratic Method to tear him down.

—————–
Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

When I stepped into the office this morning, my colleague was screaming and arguing with the bank rep over the phone. Later I found out that he was actually trying to negotiate to get a charge of $40 waived. He got the charge because of an accident overdraft.

Later I found out from him that he had been calling his bank 3 days in a row. A bank manager promised to waive off his charge when he called on the first day. However, he was still charged $40 by the bank. He probably made about 10 calls to the customer service department and had spoken to more than 10 bank reps and managers. He was really persistent.

“So, do you think it’s worth the effort just trying to get your $40 back?”

“It’s a matter of principle.”

Boy, i was thrown off. He was dead serious about getting his money back. I observed all the calls he made and noted down all the mistakes he did. Finally, I decided to help him out a little.

“Can I make a suggestion?”

“Sure, help me if you can!”

“Call them up again and ask for the customer retention department.”

“What’s that? Can I find the number online?”

He went online to search for the number to the customer retention department.

The department is probably so exclusive (only to serious problematic clients of the banks) that it is not going to be easy to reach them. So I told him to call up the customer service department and asked to be referred to the Customer Retention Department. He did.

”Hi, I am really unhappy with the service that the bank is providing. Can you refer me to the Customer Retention Department?”

“Sir, may I ask the reason?”

He went on the explain for 2 minutes and insisted on getting referred to the Customer Retention Department.

The customer service manager finally gave up and said these words to him, “You know the game, don’t you?”

My friend’s face lit up immediately. He knew he was winning the game, turned over and gave me a thumb up.

Remember: If the customer service department fails you, turn to the Customer Retention Department. And, know your game. =)

—————–
Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

This can cost you a lot of money if you fail to understand all the terms and conditions. Always make sure that all the terms are properly negotiated before the end of a negotiation. Do not take things for granted.

I recently learned how important it is to negotiate all the terms and have the terms documented. Do not rely on mutual trust.

The setup

I had to buy a car to travel to work and decided to buy it from a friend. Let’s call him Jerry. The car was not in a good condition but Jerry had to sell it off. Deciding to do Jerry a favor, I agreed to buy the car from him.

There were 2 rounds of negotiation for the car.

During the 1^st round, Jerry offered a price of X amt and he will pay for the transferal fee of title deed. As X amt was not justifiable due to the condition of the car, I decided to negotiate with him two weeks later.

For the 2^nd round, Jerry decided to drop the price a little. I was still a little hesitant. Many friends discouraged me from buying the car. Since I gave him my word earlier, I decided not to negotiate further.

On the day of the sale, he said to me “Jens, you are paying for the transferal fee.”

That took me by surprise. I was living under the impression that he was paying for the transferal fee.

His defense line was, “since it was not mentioned during the 2^nd round of negotiation, whatever that was negotiated during the 1^st round would not be valid.”

He was right. I was the one who made the mistake of not making sure the condition would still be valid after the price reduction. My assumption was wrong.

The transferal fee was equivalent to the reduction in price he gave in the 2^nd round. At the end of the day, I was paying the same amount.

This entire transaction was based on relationship and trust. I did not feel the need to document everything. That was my fatal mistake.

Point to note: No matter who you are negotiating with, always make sure every term is made clear and documented. This can save you much trouble and even the relationship. The person you are negotiating with might not treasure the relationship as much as you do. Never take things for granted.

Remember: Always negotiate every term and condition. Document all commitments.

—————–
Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

Today, my friend David shared with me how he negotiated against his credit card company. He received a letter from his bank two days ago with an additional charge of $160 after he supposedly breached a clause of theirs. He was totally unaware of this clause and decided to make a trip down to the bank.

The lady who attended to him was really rude. She would not budge no matter how hard he tried to get the charge waived off. He decided to take another approach.

“Has the bank ever made an exception to cases like this?”

“No, sir.”

“Why?”

“It’s written very clearly in the contract that if you…”

“I was totally unaware of the fine prints. The banker whom i opened my account with did not warn me of this”

“Well, I can’t really help you in that.”

“Do you think this qualify as a potential fraud case?”

“Eh…”

-Long Pause-

“Is there someone I can talk to regarding this case? This is so unethical!”

“I can check if my manager is around.”

5 mins later, she returned.

“Alright, I will make an exception for you this time round.”

Bingo!

Notice how my friend used some of the negotiation tools to save $160? He did it with absolute style without burning any bridges or hurting any relationships.

Update: He decided to close his bank account after the charge was waived. Well…