The Negotiation Guru

You can win in a negotiation just by being better prepared. It can help you get what you want from the negotiation. It does work for everyone.

There’s no secret. You really just need to know how to prepare and which preparation framework to follow.

It’s not a difficult thing to do at all. This post will provide 4 key steps which you can use to help you prepare for your negotiation. You can adopt this preparation framework immediately to any of your negotiation.

Think of them as guidelines for your preparation process. Use them if you are serious about winning in a negotiation.

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Diane Levin, a dispute resolution blogger just celebrated her blog’s 3rd year anniversary.

In this post, she gave her thoughts on why she blogs about something she’s passionate about. Over 650 posts on mediation! She touched on so many different aspects of dispute resolution from the legal system to virtual worlds.

She has also included a long list of links to ADR blogs.

Truly inspiring!

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Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

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Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

Here’s the story:

There is a blind man and a lame man. They often compete against each other to see who’s better in what. One day, their deaf friend got so sick of their competition and came up with an idea.

“Let me be the judge. Whoever gets to my place first, will be the winner.”

The blind man and lame man were both set to win this competition. However, the deaf man stays 10 miles away from them. For many weeks, they brainstormed on how to get to their deaf friend. The blind man won’t be able to see the road and the lame man won’t be able to walk.

A brilliant idea struck them!

The lame man will get on the shoulders of the blind man. They collaborated! The blind man will be the lame man’s legs. And the lame man will be the blind man’s eyes. How wonderful! They were so happy and they got on their way.

As you are able to guess, both are winners. Win-Win!

Collaboration is indeed more powerful than competition.

What are the reasons to collaborate?

1) Improve relationships

It is really hard (near impossible) to main positive feelings about anyone who is trying to make you lose. Arguments and negotiation impasse are often the results from competition mindset.

By collaborating, the challenge and success are shared. At the end, its the relationship that really counts.

2) Sharing of expertise

If we often compete to win in a negotiation, we will overlook many aspects of collaboration. On such aspect is the sharing of expertise. Everyone is interdependent. In business, you depend on your partner. In your family, you depend on your family members. In work place, you depend on your colleagues.

Competition makes it real hard to share our resources, skills and experiences. We are so involved in our own exclusive goal.

In a negotiation, every person’s role is important. So why not collaborate?

3) Well-being

Negotiations are highly stressful. Many things are at stakes. The fear of failure is the reason for this anxiety and agitation. It causes tension, embarrassment and even hostility.

Good collaborations happens when there’s a good relationship. A relationship that is non-judgmental and non-threatening.

This in turn creates an environment that is healthy for both parties.

REMEMBER: Always collaborate to win.

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Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

Many people have emailed me after reading my previous post, “What do people lack most when they negotiate?”

Thank you for your emails. This shows that many people are aware of the importance of confidence during negotiation. And awareness is a giant step towards become better at negotiation.

Are you a confident negotiator?
Do you have bad thoughts before a negotiation?
Are you afraid of the results of your negotiation?
Do you know how to increase your confidence during negotiation?

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Successful negotiation comes from avoiding some of the common traps.

Here are 4 common traps and how you can avoid them to help you be more successful in your negotiation:

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Hi John,

I agree that sometimes we do find that we have difficulty getting people to negotiate. They just seems to be disinterested in negotiating and have previously refused to negotiate. Things can get quite complex if not handled properly.

You must be thinking, “How do I negotiate with her if I cannot even get her to talk about the issue?”

How do you get people to negotiate?

First, look at the reasons why that person does not wish to negotiate.

Investigate from all areas and all perspectives:

Does she feel there is no need to negotiate?
Is she offended by something?
Is she concerned about some issue?
Maybe she is not ready to negotiate?
Could it be because she dislikes negotiation?

After you have tried to find out the cause for her refusal to negotiate, you can then truly understand from her point of view. Some people just dislikes negotiation. If this is so, maybe use another term to replace negotiation.

“Let’s discuss this issue.”
“We need to talk about this.”
“I am concerned that we are not progressing.”
“Is there something that you like to talk about with regards to this issue?”
“When is a good time for us to discuss this?”

There are other ways to get her to negotiate with you.

1) Find someone close as your ally

Get that person to talk to her. She could be refusing to talk to you because of the kind of relationship she has with you. She could be uncomfortable negotiating with you alone. Get someone who is close to her or at least someone neutral to talk to her .

2) Lure them in with opportunities

Make it really tempting for them to come to the negotiating table.

“Hey, I found a good solution to this problem!”
“If we can discuss this, we will be able to better our relationship!”

Create more irresistible offers to entice her.

3) Arrange the situation such that she has more to lose if she drags on

Some negotiation experts use the phrase: take away their BATNA.

“This issue at hand is frustrating me, I am not sure if I am willing to wait to resolve this.” (beware of the credibility issue of a threat)
“If you are not going to talk about this, I will move forward with my decision.”

Taking away her BATNA does not necessary means threatening or blackmailing. It is more credible if you are able to do something to change the situation and not just SAY something.

4) Wait, wait and wait

If all else fails, and there is nothing much you can do, you just have to wait.

Maybe she feels that it is not the right time to negotiate yet.
Maybe she has some issues at hand.
Maybe she needs more time.
Maybe she does not think negotiation is necessary.

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Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

This is a true example of how we can learn from everyone and everything.

Here’s the story:

There were 3 blind mice living in the Cat city. One day, the friendly cat, Kathy, decided to play a trick on the 3 blind mice. She took the 3 blind mice to visit an elephant in the zoo.

She took the first blind mice to the elephant trunk and let him feel it.

Then she took the second blind mice to the elephant leg, and the third to the tail.

As the 3 blind mice grew up not seeing an elephant before, they were asked to guess what is an elephant.

1st mice: “It is a tube. Something like a vacuum cleaner.”

2nd mice: “What? You must be crazy. It is a tree trunk!”

3rd mice: “Both of you are wrong! It is a rope.”

They started fighting with each other. Kathy was delighted with the trick she played on them.

What’s the moral of the story? (eek…)

Different people have different perspectives in life. Their perspectives are determined by the experience they had. We all have a tendency to delude ourselves into believing what we want to believe. Our minds have many different ways of mapping different possibilities even to a single event.

How can this be applied to negotiation?

Sometimes during a negotiation, both parties have different perspectives on a single issue. Many negotiation come to an impasse simply because they cannot see eye to eye on certain things.

From the 3 blind mice story, we learn that people might not see something the way you see it.

We have to be open to other opinions.
Listen to them.
Try to see where they are coming from.
Understand them.
Get into their shoes.

Only after you have fully understand where the other party is coming from, you will then be able to negotiate properly. Without proper understanding of the other party’s point of view, you will be left guessing his thoughts.

Being wise means being open to learning from the other perspectives. When you do feel stuck during a negotiation, it’s probably because you have not been able to see from the other point of view.

Remember: If 3 blind mice can say 3 different things, what about us?

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Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

“One thing I know I personally have been able to do business with some pretty rough characters; but I have never been able to deal with a liar. It is, as my cadet friend at Roswell would have put it, like shadow boxing. It is not worth the effort. You can’t win.” - Conrad Hilton

Do you belong to the liar school of negotiation?

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Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

We all make mistakes. After all, we are still humans. The problem lies in not making mistakes but handling mistakes during negotiation.

The more mistakes you make, the more patient you have to be. The more you try to rush to cover a mistake, the more mistakes you make. Trying too hard to fix something will only make things worse.

Like all other professions, negotiators should try to take on as many perspectives as possible when handling a mistake during negotiation. Our perception is usually skewed by nature. Try to see a mistake from different angles will open up our horizon. In order to be more objective, we have to compare different scenarios

Ask for some advice. People make the same mistakes. The mistake you make is probably not new. Someone must have committed the same mistake before. Look around you. Check if there is anyone who has been through the same situation as you do. Ask them what did they do. How did they handle the situation? More often than not, they will share valuable insights of their lessons.

Sometimes we need to ask different people for different perspectives. Listen to what each person has to say regarding your mistake. He or she can be the one sitting beside you at the negotiation table. Their opinions will provide a clearer view of your mistake. This is to ensure that you have a complete picture of the scenario.

These are some questions to help you understand your own mistake:

1) What led to the big mistakes?

2) Were there small mistakes that resulted in the big mistake?

3) Did you have any false assumptions on certain things before negotiating?

4) How would you have approached differently?

5) How can you avoid such situations in the future?

6) How long did you take to figure that you made a mistake?

7) Was your mistake obvious?

8) Are there are other people around you who saw the mistake? What are their views?

Remember: It’s not about not making mistakes, it’s about not handling mistakes properly.

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Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

It’s so hard to find people who are willing to admit their mistakes. What happened to taking ownership of your own mistakes?

It appears to me that many organizations are training their customer-service staff not to admit mistakes. The logic is probably that admitting mistakes means taking responsibility for the wrong-doing.

For many reasons, many people find admitting their mistakes difficult (especially during a negotiation). This is probably due to the cultural assumptions that we have when we make a mistake. Mistakes and failures bring about shame to oneself. We have been taught since young that we ought to feel guilty about failure and should do everything we can to avoid failing.

Think of the times you failed to do accomplish something when you were young. How did your parents react to you? What did your peers say about you? How did you feel about your failure?

This strong combination of shame and unavoidable setbacks while attempting a challenge drives people to give up their goals. They are not prepared for the mistakes they will make on their way to success.

How does this apply to negotiation?

Admitting a mistake you have made during a negotiation is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, its a sign of strength. It reflects greatly on you. The other party will see you more as a human when you acknowledge your own faults.

When you do acknowledge your own fault, you demonstrate courage. More importantly, you portray yourself as someone with integrity. Maintaining integrity is essential to becoming a good negotiator.

Master negotiators admit their mistakes easily. They understand that by admitting their mistakes, they will enhance the results of their negotiation. By doing so, they also accelerate the progress of the negotiation instead of finding ways to cover up their mistakes. This is a win-win situation.

“Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.” - Mark Twain

Remember: Learn to acknowledge a fault during negotiation.

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Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com