The Negotiation Guru

Classy negotiator?! Is there such a thing? I believe there is. A negotiator is not always about being competitive, collaborative, avoiding and the whatnot. Whichever type of negotiating styles you have, you can still be a classy negotiator.

What’s a classy negotiator? Someone with class. Simple as that.

This does not mean that you have to put on your Hugo Boss suit that is tastefully designed and tailored. It means that you always maintain refined grace.

Being a classy negotiator means that you do not speak ill of the other party (before and after the negotiation). Instead, speak well of them in public.

Some of your peers might come up to you and say, “that guy is an ass.” Stop them. Correct them.

A classy negotiator will say, “well, it’s a pity that the deal did not work out the way both of us wanted to. We are still on good terms and looking forward to dealing with each other again.”

This is absolute class. Instead of trying to badmouth (or bitch about) the other party, you say good things about them.This is not being fake or phony. This is about respecting the other party. Putting the other party down and shifting all the blame to him for not being a good partner is a loser way of approaching things. Don’t act like a kid. Behave graciously.

Accept the fact that when a deal breaks down, it’s the fault of both sides. Never the fault of his alone.Having this mentality will change the way you deal with people. Have a positive outlook on everything.Believe that no matter how tough the party is, he has positive intentions. Perhaps both parties interests just don’t match.

Remember: Be a classy negotiator.

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Jens Thang
Unleash The Negotiation Guru In You!

This is something I learn from Tim Ferris’ “The 4-Hour Workweek” book.

To learn more, please buy his “4-Hour Workweek”. It has much valuable information inside. It’s about getting the life you want. He gives useful tips on how to live the life. Negotiate for the life that you want!

Tim Ferris gave a simple 5 step process to negotiate with your boss. It’s as easy as that!Step 1: Increase Investment

Get your boss to invest more in you. Tell him about the employee training program that will be beneficial to the company such as “Negotiation Executive Workshop”. This is to get your boss to make investment in you so that he will feel he has more to lose if you do quit at the end of the day. Very smart move!

Step 2: Prove Increased Output Offsite

Call in sick 2 days of a normal workweek. Do it on Tuesday and Thursday. The reason why is because you don’t want to give the impression that you want a 3-day long weekend. It’s just more convincing. Make sure that you really do work on these 2 days. In fact, work harder. Be 5 times more productive than normal. How do you let your boss know that? Send him deliverables. Send him emails. Let him know what you have done. Show him what you have done. Tim suggests using GoToMyPc remote access software so that you can pilot your office computer from home.

Step 3: Prepare the Quantifiable Business Benefit

Create a bullet-point list of what you have achieved during the 2 days of sick leave. Show it to your boss. You must present it in such a way that letting you work from home is good for the business, not just a personal gain. Explain that without the distraction of office noise and the commute, you are able to do more.

Step 4: Propose a Revocable Trial Period

Revocable is a keyword here. You must still let your boss feel that he has power over you. Propose that you wish to work from home 2 days a week.

“Hey boss, for a trial, I let to propose to work from home 2 days a week. You can revoke it anytime you want if you do not think it’s good for the business.”

The reason why you propose 2 days is so that at least you have a backup of proposing 1 day.

Step 5: Expand Remote time

Always make sure that you are MOST productive when you are away from the office.

“I was shocked at the results of me working at home. It makes a lot of business sense too. I have achieved so much from working at home. I am enjoying my work so much more now. I would like to suggest doing a 2-day week. I will come in on Wednesday and Friday. We can do any 3 days you prefer.”

“I can’t do that.”

“What’s your main concern?”

“What if everyone wants to do the same?”

“You are right. You have a very valid reason. Let me be honest. I was actually having the intention to quit after all the interruptions, commuting and whatnot. But I am actually surprised by how I feel after working from home. I feel that I can be more productive at home and be much happier. Not everyone can work from home. They have to exhibit that they are more productive at home. If they are really more productive, why not let them work at home too? This makes a lot of business sense. Can I test it out for another 2 weeks? I will show you the results and if you are not happy, you can always change your mind.”

“By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day. – Robert Frost

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Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

“Well, I really like you have proposed but I need to discuss this with my boss first.”

This is probably the most irritating thing to hear after you have spent hours negotiating.

“After I have spent so many hours negotiating with you, you are telling me you cannot make a decision?”

Of course you should not say this out. This will sound too hostile and offensive. But I won’t stop you for screaming this in your head or feel the urge to land a punch right in his face. Just make sure you still carry a smile! No, don’t punch him, yet.

Negotiation guru Richard Shell calls this “Fake Authority Ploys”. He believes that people lie about the authority they have when they do not. Or people lie about the authority they do not have when they actually do. Confusing?

Imagine this, when you are trying to get a discount on an item:

“You know what, my boss says no to such a term. But I am going to give it to you. I am making this exception just for you. Let’s keep this between me and you.”

“I can’t do this. I have to consult my boss first. I will do that before I get back to you.”

Perhaps both are lies. You will never know. So what should you do? Ask!

“Maybe I should talk to your boss directly since you are not able to make the decision.”

“Who is the decision maker in this negotiation? I would prefer to negotiate with him directly since you are not able to make the decision.”

Remember: Always find out who’s the decision maker before you negotiate.

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Jens Thang
Unleash The Negotiation Guru In You!

Sometimes we do have to negotiate people who are very competitive. They are always out to win. Winning to them, is their life. They cannot accept anything less than victory.I still remember an incident which I had to negotiate with a client of mine.

Let’s call him Teddy.

Teddy is a tempestuous guy. He gets angry at the slightest thing. I am always very aware of him when I deal with him. He’s definitely a good client to keep as I always get referral businesses from him.

I was negotiating a deal that I agreed to verbally but had to pull out due to personal commitments. Teddy is definitely not an easy guy to negotiate with. I had fun anyway.

“Teddy, I won’t be able to make it for this gig on Sat. Can you get someone to replace me?”

He started to get emotional.

“Jens, I have always given you businesses. Now you are playing me out. You have no respect for me…etc”.

I zoned out immediately. Thinking back, I shouldn’t have. A good negotiator should never zone out when the other party is speaking.

This is my reply to him.

“Teddy, I understand that you are under this pressure because this client is really huge. And you want to maintain a good relationship with him. The deadline must be putting a lot of pressure on you. I really can’t make it this Saturday. It’s totally my fault. Tell you what, I will find a substitute for me.”

Help others get what they want, you will get what you want

These are the 3 things I did:

1) Never put them down

Let them walk away a winner, not a loser. Some really competitive people want to win in every negotiation or argument. You have to let them win (or at least not lose). By putting them down will only ruin the relationship between you and him. He might even find some other channels to get back. This is not healthy. Learn to let him feel like he’s the winner so that he can save some skin.

2) Probe for the reasons why he’s behaving this way

More often than not, people behave in a certain way for many reasons. Instead of talking about the deal, I talked about him. I asked myself, “What’s the main reason that Teddy is behaving this way?” I soon realized that it could be because he was under a lot of pressure to make sure things went smoothly.

3) Give acknowledgments

After you have identified the key reasons why he’s behaving this way, acknowledge it.

“I understand that you are under a lot of pressure.” People are less than willing to admit that they are under a lot of pressure. This is especially so for males. They do not wish to appear weak. Subtly let him know that it’s alright to feel that way. He will feel that you understand his position and this puts you in a better position to negotiate with him.

4) Make suggestions

If possible, try to suggest an alternative. One of the key skills that a negotiator can have is to be creative and generate alternatives for a deal. I made a proposal towards the end that will solve his problem, take some pressure off him and allow me to get what I want. This is another win-win situation.

Remember: Let the other party leave the negotiating table feeling victorious.

This is my favorite tactic. I like to see the drama. Some of them are so bad at acting that they suck at deploying this good cop/bad cop tactic.

Have you gotten two people across the negotiating table with 2 very different perspectives?

The “good cop” starts off with a very friendly tone and tries to build rapport with you. He is so nice that you can almost feel that he is trying to negotiate FOR you and not AGAINST you.

“Yes, what you have proposed is really brilliant. I think my company should agree with your proposal.”

Just when you feel that this deal is going somewhere, a “bad cop” starts to interject.

“No! This is too outrageous. We can’t do this deal. Our company will make a huge loss if we agree to these terms.”

He seemingly tries to convince the “good cop” that it is a really bad deal. What the “bad cop” is trying to do is to lower your expectations. They are trying to anchor you. Be very aware when the other party starts to anchor you. This can also happen when they start to make extreme offers.

This movie drama starts to go back and forth. The good cop and bad cop start to disagree with each other. You get confused and start to lose focus. What should you do?

Call out this tactic to them.

“It seems to me that one of you is playing the angel and the other guy the devil. You know, I cannot negotiate with 2 people at the same time. So who is the final decision maker in this negotiation? Who has more authority?”

Find the decision maker and deal with him alone. You often get consultants, accountants and lawyers alongside with the person you are negotiating with. Ignore them. Just deal with the “big guy”. Request that you want to negotiate this alone with the decision maker.

“I like to negotiate this with you in private, without the white noise in the background.”

Remember: Call out the tactic. Deal directly with the decision maker only.

What if you are face with such a goat? The nibbler attacks just when you are ready to close the deal. He will start asking for modest things to be included in the deal right before the deal is done. You can’t help but feel the urge to grant him his little demands.

“Can you add in this tie together with the suit?”

“Can you give me three years free warranty together with his?”

“There will be free delivery to my place right?”

You know that nibblers are attacking when they look for additional stuff to be included in the deal. They demand for something just before the agreement is being signed. Some people are really good at that. Just when you think you are reaching the finishing line, they throw you off by trying to squeeze some stuff out of you. You do not hope to see this deal go down the drains or strain the relationship with the other party, you begin to say yes.

Stop for a moment!

Why are you allowing this to happen? You must resist the temptation to close the deal and in the process, agree to every concession they ask for.

How to deal with such a situation?

1) Be very specific with the terms and clauses.

You must be very clear and very sure of what is included in the deal and what is not. Refuse to give the concession. Learn to say no to nibbling. Being assertive will prevent such a situation. When the other party has the leverage, you will be more prone to succumb to such nibbling acts.

2) Hold something back to give (if they start nibbling)

This is a popular tactic by retail stores. In order to retaliate against such requests by the consumers, they always have little free gifts prepared. I was trying to nibble before I pass them my credit card. I decided to try to ask for additional things to be included before I make the purchase.

“Will you be able to add this pair of socks together with my shoes? I need black socks.”

“Sir, we can’t do that. But we can give you a little brush to shine your shoes.”

There was no mention of the brush before I nibbled. This is probably the strategy of the shoe store to ward off nibblers like me. Both parties end up satisfied. I was glad I got the free brush, and they were glad they got the business.

3) If-Then tactic

The “If-Then” tactic is a very well-known tactic. Everyone deploys this tactic. When the other party starts to nibble, always try to trade for something.

“Will you add 3 years warranty to this?”

“Sir, we can do that. But you will have to purchase a 1 year warranty and we give you free upgrade to 3 years. How’s that for you?”

This almost always works! First, you can dissuade them of trying to nibble further. Second, you can get additional business.

Remember: Never succumb to nibbling.

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Jens Thang
Unleash The Negotiation Guru In You!

We do get unrealistic offers from the other party. If you are the seller, your buyer will offer a price that is way too low your expectation. If you are the buyer, your seller will probably try to sell you at a price that is totally out of your range. You start to get offended by the outrageous offer the other party shoots. How do you deal with this?

We must learn that by getting angry with what the other party offers is not worth it. It will affect the relationship you have with him and future dealings. You want to still preserve the good relationship with him. Separate the person from his proposal. It is not the person you disagree with. It is his proposal that you do not agree. Seeing the person and the proposal as two separate entities will help you deal better with the other party.

This is what you can do:

1) Call out the tactic

By calling out the tactic, you can be sure that the other party will start to become defensive.“I was hoping that we have a healthy dealing here but the extreme offer tactic that you are using just upsets me. It sounds like you are not interested in closing this deal.”2) Ask for justificationAlways ask for justification! Even if they offer something that is within your range, proceed to ask for justification. When people have to justify their own stand, they start to examine their own offer. Sometimes, you can get them to talk themselves out of their initial offer.“How did you come to this figure?”“Is there a reason why you are offering this?”

3) Flinch!

Show that you are surprised by his offer. The other party might sometimes be ashamed by his outrageous offer. You will know that he is ashamed when he starts to retaliate quickly by saying “Oh…so what do you offer? Give me a good one? I will see if I can adjust my offer.” By saying this, the other party has given away his game. It shows that he does not find his own offer convincing enough since he is so willing to adjust his offer.

You will have to play his game. The other party is trying to anchor you. Be very aware of this. Let them know that they have to adjust their expectation in order to close the deal with you. Make relationship the most important factor in your negotiations.

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Jens Thang
Unleash The Negotiation Guru In You!

There are some people who are so driven by the need for acceptance by others that in the process, they lose their identity. Fear of rejection can result in irrational behavior and thinking.

I have heard so many people say before a negotiation, “What if they do not like my offer? Will I offend them if I offer them this?” Guess what, the results usually turn out bad.

People who are afraid of rejection are usually not assertive during negotiations. They tend to speak up lesser and exhibit low confidence. Although some might have a tendency to exhibit aggressive behavior to mask their insecurity. They become so inflexible and rigid which is antithesis of what a good negotiator should be.

Face it, rejection is part of life.

You can never run away from rejection. All of us can handle rejection better than we believe we could. Do not let fear of rejection get in your way of negotiating a good deal. You should not let a few “no” get in your way of success. Never take a “no” personally. The other party is saying no what to you have offered, it has nothing to do with you as a person.

There can be many reasons why the other party might say no to your offer. This is your chance to probe. Get more information from him. Then get him to propose an alternative.

“Why do you not agree to this term?”

“Is there something that’s keeping you from saying no?”

“Will you be able to make the decision? If not, is there anyone that I can talk to?”

“What do you suggest that is fair to both sides?”

“Are you suggesting that we should …”

Don’t get too discouraged by rejection.

Maybe the time is not right. Maybe the proposal you gave was not good. Maybe you did not justify your offer. Maybe the concession you are giving is not their wants. Maybe they have other interests. Maybe they need something else from you.

Maybe..maybe…maybe…the list goes on and on…

There are just too many reasons for them to say no. Instead of behaving in a self-defeating way, deal with it. Probe more! Negotiate more!

“I think all great innovations are built on rejections” - Louis Ferdinard Celine

“I think all great deals are built on rejections” - Jens Thang

Remember: Each “no” is one step closer to negotiating the best deal in your life.

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Jens Thang
Unleash The Negotiation Guru In You!

We never treasure things we obtain easily. This applies to all parts of life. We only treasure things that we cannot have and don’t see much value in things we get too easily.

To illustrate this point:

2 years ago, I was given the task of being the baby-sitter for the day. I had to take care of my niece. She was 6 years old then. It’s amazing how much i can learn about human psychology just by playing with my niece.

Kids love attention. And this can be irritating at times when you have other things to attend to. Imagine you are rushing your report which will be due the next day. And a kid keeps coming to you, demanding for attention. What will you do? Naturally, we will find something that will hold the kid’s attention, at least for a while. I gave my niece a soft toy to play with, hoping that it would hold her attention. After 5 minutes, she threw the toy on the floor and bugged me for another! I reckoned that if i were to give her another toy, the same thing would happen again. So, i decided to give value to the next toy i was going to give to her.

“This toy is really precious to me. My best friend gave it to me and I REALLY love it. I can’t let you have it.”

I did this for like 10 minutes. She grew impatient and started throwing tantrums. I simply ignored her. Then i said, “Alright, if you can be a good girl for 15 minutes (pointing to the clock), I will let you see my toy.” She agreed immediately.

In negotiations, similar situations happen all the time. We have something that the other party wants. Learning to hold back and create value for that thing (even if its free), we will be able gain leverage. Always give weight to everything they ask for.

We often hold back on the concessions we are willing to give until the other party agrees to giving us something that we value. Augmenting the attractiveness and value of a particular offer is a powerful tool to use to get what we want from the negotiation.

Never give away concessions too easily. Let them work for it.

Many communication gurus have suggested that empathy is a very useful tool to try to persuade someone. We use empathy all the time. Its is a powerful communication tool that is underused and often misunderstood.

According to dictionary.com, empathy is identification with and understanding of another’s situation, feelings, and motives.

It is the process of understanding and appreciating of the other party’s emotions and positions. To put in simpler terms, it means to “put yourself into his/her shoes”.

These are 4 steps which you can take:

1) You must first be aware of the other party’s emotions. How is he feeling about the deal? Angry? Sad? Disappointed?

2) State your own perception of that emotion. “I think you are upset that we are not willing to cut the price…”

3) Make that emotion/feeling legitimate. “I can totally understand why you are upset…”

4) Give him affirmations of your cooperation. “I am definitely devoted to working with you and making sure this deal will work out. Let’s see how we can help each other to achieve our goals.”

Instantly, you will be able to build rapport and trust with the party you are negotiating with. In a relationship-based negotiation, empathy is a very important tool to use.

Are you using enough of it?

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Jens Thang
Unleash The Negotiation Guru In You!

Today, my friend David shared with me how he negotiated against his credit card company. He received a letter from his bank two days ago with an additional charge of $160 after he supposedly breached a clause of theirs. He was totally unaware of this clause and decided to make a trip down to the bank.

The lady who attended to him was really rude. She would not budge no matter how hard he tried to get the charge waived off. He decided to take another approach.

“Has the bank ever made an exception to cases like this?”

“No, sir.”

“Why?”

“It’s written very clearly in the contract that if you…”

“I was totally unaware of the fine prints. The banker whom i opened my account with did not warn me of this”

“Well, I can’t really help you in that.”

“Do you think this qualify as a potential fraud case?”

“Eh…”

-Long Pause-

“Is there someone I can talk to regarding this case? This is so unethical!”

“I can check if my manager is around.”

5 mins later, she returned.

“Alright, I will make an exception for you this time round.”

Bingo!

Notice how my friend used some of the negotiation tools to save $160? He did it with absolute style without burning any bridges or hurting any relationships.

Update: He decided to close his bank account after the charge was waived. Well…

Recently, I went to a consulting workshop conducted by Wharton school. One of the speakers from a prestigious consulting company said “I always take notes during meetings.” The audience laughed. He went on to explain why note-taking is important. This is the same for negotiations.

Note-taking gives you clarity. When you physically write down the key points during negotiations, you will be able to reflect on some of the important points that your target has revealed. In a negotiation, both parties usually have more than one interest. Listing out clearly on your notepad the interests that your target has can be used as a tool as well. You can go on and say “Let me see if I understand you correctly. You wanted a good price, after-sales service, technical support, quality products and speed-to-market.” Your target will appreciate that you are clear with what he wants. From there, you have a clear idea of his wants and can go on to work on how to negotiate a win-win deal.

This can also be used to prevent the other party from going back on their words. This is a consistency tool to be used so to keep your target committed. Very often, you find the other party changing his mind after a few days. The negotiation has to go back to square one because his interests are now totally different from what was initially discussed. To prevent this, you can use your notes as a consistency tool.

“I have it written that you mentioned in the last meeting that you wanted a good price, after-sales service… Is that still right?”

If you want to appear slightly more aggressive, you can add that:

“I believe that we can have a good deal. If your interests are unclear and change from day-to-day, I am afraid we won’t have a mutually beneficial outcome. Let me know after you have discussed with your team, we will resume negotiation then.”

This is a powerful tool. People are afraid of appearing inconsistent. The consistency principle works on everyone. I will elaborate on the consistency principle in my future posts.

Remember to take notes when you negotiate.

Today, a seasoned negotiator shared with me the 2 things that all skilled negotiators do.

1) Divide the pie and get your share

2) Don’t make the conflict any bigger than it has to be

I am pondering over what he said. What do you think?

I stressed the importance of using standards when negotiating. However, many negotiations reach an impasse after both parties fail to agree on a single standard to use for their negotiation. It can be counterproductive if both parties spend too much time on the standards. Standards are definitely important. But if we are unable to agree to the standards, we should set it aside and get down to the issues. Start finding out the other party’s interests.

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Jens Thang
Unleash The Negotiation Guru In You!

Having an agenda ready before you step into the negotiation room is essential. You need to know what you hope to achieve after the negotiation. I have negotiated with sales people who absolutely have no idea what they want to achieve from the deal. Sitting on the other side of the table, I felt that the party is either not interested in the deal or totally insincere. Either way, this is not a good thing for a relationship-based deal.

To go into negotiation with an agenda, you need to prepare beforehand. You have to consider your objectives, needs, wants, bargaining points and walk-away value (BATNA). This require due diligence on your part but it always pay off. You will save both parties a lot of time if you know what you want. No one likes to have a long dreary negotiation.

Do not enter the negotiation hall without knowing what you want.