The Negotiation Guru

“Mistakes are the portals of discovery.” - James Joyce

Mistakes are common in any negotiation. Learning to identify mistakes and avoiding these mistakes in your future negotiation will dramatically improve the success of your negotiation. If something did not work out as intended in your negotiation, there are still many ways of managing your negotiation to make it a success.

Here are 10 mistakes which you should avoid in your negotiations:

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Announcement! Recently, I have formed a new team together with Vijay and Jun to roll out a new site, “Sages of Negotiation” in the near future. Watch this space! If you know of anyone you believe deserve the title “Sages of Negotiation”, please contact me with more information.

I had the opportunity to hear Raymond Land’s keynote speech at the Temple University. Was really impressed with the vast negotiation experience he had in China and here in the US.

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Image by: Tony Blay

I received a comment on my previous blog post from a French ADR blogger, Dominique who made some very interesting points which I would like to share.

This is Dominique’s blog. But you have to first learn to read French! Actually I would appreciate if someone can translate it for me. According to Dominique, “roll” is a slang for swindle (in French?). Interesting!

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Image By: OpenAir

“How do you know you have failed in a negotiation? When the person sitting opposite you is celebrating.” - Jens Thang

Being successful in negotiations often requires much strategic thinking and planning ahead. Negotiation is a process which requires all parties involved to reach a consensus in situations where there may be potential conflict and disagreement.

The 10 commandments of negotiations here apply to every negotiator, deal maker, mediator, lawyer or simply anyone who’s trying to negotiate something. To be real successful in negotiations, you need to invest and reinvest time to prepare ahead and adopt skills to help you improvise on the spot.

Here are the 10 commandments of negotiations:

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Image by: Muha

Here are articles, blog posts and books to check out for the weekend!

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The single biggest danger in negotiation is not failure but to be successful without knowing why you are successful. -Jens Thang

In negotiation, you have to persuade. It can improve your negotiation results. Persuasion is something everyone has to do. There is no secret formula on how to persuade more effectively. It depends on which persuasion principles that you apply.

The 6 principles of persuasion by Robert Cialdini is not rocket science at all. This post will provide an overview of the 6 principles of persuasion which you can use immediately in your next negotiation. These 6 principles are there to guide you and not rules to live by.

Look at them as guidelines which can open up more options for you when you negotiate.

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My best buddy, Eric Chen, has compiled a list of negotiation quotes. Thought it might be interesting to some of you readers. You might even find some of the quotes amusing!

Here it is:

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“With great power comes great responsibility”
- adapted from Spiderman II

Power is a way to get from one place to another. It enables you to achieve what you want. You feel powerful when you are able to control the other party. Power is not a bad thing. It’s the abuse of power that makes it bad.

Power gives you the ability to influence other people. There is absolutely nothing wrong with using power. We all have power and have used power in one way or another (though you might not have noticed).

Power is dynamic and neutral. It is based not on logic but on perceptions. When the other party feels that you have power over them, it simply means that they perceive you have the ability to help them or hurt them.

Here are the 8 elements of power:

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“You can stand tall without standing on someone. You can be a victor without having victims.”
- Harriet Woods

The best way to win and win BIG at a negotiation? Get to a win-win situation.

The main objective of a win-win negotiation is to be able to help the other party get what they want. Here, I am not advocating that you should sacrifice to help them get what they want. Find a solution that is best for both parties. Make them leave the negotiating table feeling that they have won.

The term “win-win” has been abused many times over. You can even negotiate on what a “win-win” solution is. Ideally, you want the other party to feel that it’s a win-win solution as well. It has to be mutual. If you are alone in believing that it’s an ideal win-win situation, you can’t be further from the truth.

So, how can we arrive at a true win-win situation?

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“I don’t even call it violence when it’s in self defense; I call it intelligence.”
- Malcolm X

Experienced negotiators know hundreds of tactics and strategies. However, when under pressure they will instinctly do whatever that works. In a real world negotiation situation, unethical tactics are very common. These tactics come in all direction and you won’t have time to think.

The skilled negotiator is able to deal with unethical tactics quickly with high level of control. With dedication and consistency, we can slowly learn how to deal with unethical tactics.

Here are 5 ways to deal with unethical tactics:

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“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”
- Aristotle

Many negotiation gurus are so successful in their negotiations because of the key habits that they develop over a long period of time. I spent most of my week reading and researching into the key habits of great negotiators. Some of them have a few recurring key habits.

Your goal is to become a negotiation guru. Learn the habits from the great negotiators. Apply them into your life and see how the habits will work for you. Keep experimenting with them.

These are the 4 key habits that they have:

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You can win in a negotiation just by being better prepared. It can help you get what you want from the negotiation. It does work for everyone.

There’s no secret. You really just need to know how to prepare and which preparation framework to follow.

It’s not a difficult thing to do at all. This post will provide 4 key steps which you can use to help you prepare for your negotiation. You can adopt this preparation framework immediately to any of your negotiation.

Think of them as guidelines for your preparation process. Use them if you are serious about winning in a negotiation.

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Diane Levin, a dispute resolution blogger just celebrated her blog’s 3rd year anniversary.

In this post, she gave her thoughts on why she blogs about something she’s passionate about. Over 650 posts on mediation! She touched on so many different aspects of dispute resolution from the legal system to virtual worlds.

She has also included a long list of links to ADR blogs.

Truly inspiring!

—————–
Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

For more effective negotiation tips, please subscribe here.

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

Here’s the story:

There is a blind man and a lame man. They often compete against each other to see who’s better in what. One day, their deaf friend got so sick of their competition and came up with an idea.

“Let me be the judge. Whoever gets to my place first, will be the winner.”

The blind man and lame man were both set to win this competition. However, the deaf man stays 10 miles away from them. For many weeks, they brainstormed on how to get to their deaf friend. The blind man won’t be able to see the road and the lame man won’t be able to walk.

A brilliant idea struck them!

The lame man will get on the shoulders of the blind man. They collaborated! The blind man will be the lame man’s legs. And the lame man will be the blind man’s eyes. How wonderful! They were so happy and they got on their way.

As you are able to guess, both are winners. Win-Win!

Collaboration is indeed more powerful than competition.

What are the reasons to collaborate?

1) Improve relationships

It is really hard (near impossible) to main positive feelings about anyone who is trying to make you lose. Arguments and negotiation impasse are often the results from competition mindset.

By collaborating, the challenge and success are shared. At the end, its the relationship that really counts.

2) Sharing of expertise

If we often compete to win in a negotiation, we will overlook many aspects of collaboration. On such aspect is the sharing of expertise. Everyone is interdependent. In business, you depend on your partner. In your family, you depend on your family members. In work place, you depend on your colleagues.

Competition makes it real hard to share our resources, skills and experiences. We are so involved in our own exclusive goal.

In a negotiation, every person’s role is important. So why not collaborate?

3) Well-being

Negotiations are highly stressful. Many things are at stakes. The fear of failure is the reason for this anxiety and agitation. It causes tension, embarrassment and even hostility.

Good collaborations happens when there’s a good relationship. A relationship that is non-judgmental and non-threatening.

This in turn creates an environment that is healthy for both parties.

REMEMBER: Always collaborate to win.

—————–
Jens Thang
Negotiation Skills for Everyone

Email: jens@thenegotiationguru.com

Many people have emailed me after reading my previous post, “What do people lack most when they negotiate?”

Thank you for your emails. This shows that many people are aware of the importance of confidence during negotiation. And awareness is a giant step towards become better at negotiation.

Are you a confident negotiator?
Do you have bad thoughts before a negotiation?
Are you afraid of the results of your negotiation?
Do you know how to increase your confidence during negotiation?

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